Today's Reading

Today I read "Japan's Rent-a-Family Industry" by Elif Bautman, one of my favorite New Yorker writers.
The article is great, very long and in-depth, which is one of the reasons why I love the NYer. They commit to a lot of journalism that takes time.
This industry is so fascinating and causes Bautman to meditate on the nature of relationships and why money seems to alienate our thinking about relationships.
For me, the article made me think about several aspects of this industry that are curious. One, is there something uniquely Japanese about this phenomenon? Bautman makes the argument that, for example, many cultures have had or currently have "rental mourners" for funerals. I'm not sure that's enough to make me think there isn't something uniquely Japanese about this trend.
That said, for a time in graduate school I thought it was a funny idea to have a "Rent a Boyfriend," not for any sexual purpose, but someone to bring you kleenex and chicken soup when you were sick, maybe someone to come over and wash your dishes or bring you a movie to watch (this was pre-streaming, obviously).
Bautman discusses the many tasks we already pay others to do, such as taking care of our children, or cleaning our houses, or cooking. We have disentangled those tasks from the relationship with the person who performs it (usually a mother/woman). But other tasks, such as the nurturing which might accompany those chores, seems diminished when coupled with pay.
The concepts are so interesting. She discusses Marx or course and Gilman, along with other theorists.
But the whole scene raises interesting questions about how difficult it is for us to initiate, maintain, have relationships in cultures where we are increasingly alienated from ourselves and each other. What's the alternative to rent-a-family?
I guess we have to work hard to make and maintain close relationships. I am lucky in that I am close to my parents and my sisters, but I know that is not the case for everyone. I think our increasing separation from others contributes to the growing depression in our midst. (Well, that and politics.)
But I think if we can get together, whether it's for lunch or coffee or parties or dinners, and just sit down and relax and be and feel, I am confident that we will be happier.
To that end, I'm going to try this idea I heard about on The Splendid Table. I really love this idea of a weekly supper, but to be realistic, maybe once a month. I'm only human!
And now I have to get back to my regular Sunday, which involves swimming and, today, a whole lot of grading. Sigh.

What's It All About?

At the end of the year, several things happen to me.

1. I feel bad about all the writing projects I didn't finish, start or work on in the year that is coming rapidly to a close, like a slamming door. 
2. I vow to scale back on my ambitions for the coming year.
3. I think about what really has stuck with me from the past year. 
4. I do some crazy, unplanned cleaning projects that make me feel like I've accomplished something, however small.
5. I do some last minute writing, as if writing 500 words can make a difference in the unfinished novel/article/nonfiction book that I haven't been working on.
6. I make some crazy plans to do stuff on New Year's Eve/New Year's Day that I think will set a good precedent for the coming year. To whit:

• not drink too much
• go to bed early, in order to get a good night's sleep
• get up early and write
• spend the day doing something that is indicative of the coming year. In this case, I'll be attending and judging at a Crossfit competition

Unlike many of my friends, I resolve to eschew resolutions. I will not be giving up my much needed morning coffee with half-and-half. But here are some things I'm going to think about, because they seem like things I can do:

1. Swear more
2. Eat a lot of meat
3. Drink a lot of coffee
4. Write, just a little bit?
5. Do a lot of Crossfit
6. Help at least one person become more fit in 2011

Oh yes, that title. What's it all about, people? It's about people. It's about quality of life. It's about community. That's why, each year when I regard my writing accomplishments with dismay, I like to remind myself that I worked out a lot, that I hung out with my peeps and drank coffee, that I hugged some people, that I had some awesome wine with my Wine Club, that I had some great tea & conversation with my Book Club, that I played a lot of games with my Family, and that, if I died tomorrow, I wouldn't die feeling like the people I love don't know how much I love them. And that, my friends, is what it's all about.

Here's to more wine, tea, coffee and conversation in 2011!

Being Thankful

Seven Things I'm Thankful For

1. Rainy days: I like to stay inside and drink tea. And think about running, but not actually go running because, you know, it's raining.
2. Reading: Along with drinking tea, I read Son the rest of Harry Potter (the 2nd) today. It's difficult, to read out loud for a long time, but it was fun. I enjoyed that Son was so into it and that he wanted me to finish.
3. Breakfast: I love to go out for breakfast. We had some friends in town, what shall I name them? Conservation Man and Idaho Teacher. We all went out for breakfast. It wasn't the best breakfast I'd had there, but it was good. And Son ate all his breakfast and a side of bacon and a side of fruit. Dining out for breakfast is fun. It just is.
4. Food: I'm not hungry. At Son's school, we are doing a project for the food bank, making snack packs for kids who eat free lunch at school. Apparently, over the holiday breaks, many of these kids don't get enough to eat. I'm thankful that Son has enough to eat, even if he's not always aware or thankful. And I'm thankful that his school cares enough to have the kids do service projects. In first grade! Maybe these kids can change the world!
5. My family: I'm not always as thankful as I should be for them. All of them. I have great sisters and parents and a great husband and a great Son.
   
6. My brain: Even though I often feel stupid, and use the word "idiotic" about myself too often, I know I'm not stupid. So I thank my brain for still working and for getting me this far. You deserve a break! But please don't take one. Not yet.
7. Writing: Even though I'm feeling discouraged these days, sometimes writing feels like a gift. Like when I've been discouraged and think I suck, and then one day I sit down and write something, and I have no idea where it came from or why. Those are the good days. I think there are more on the horizon. (Cue the George Michael:) I just gotta have faith.
   

Melancholiday

I love most holidays, I do, especially ones that primarily focus on food. This is why, in some ways, I prefer Thanksgiving to Christmas. Except for the fact that I usually see my family at Christmas and only sometimes see my Dad at Thanksgiving, but not always. But this year, I didn't see my family for any of the winter holidays. I did see my Mom and ErinAlice at Spring Break. And we went to Idaho to see my Dad for Memorial Day.
In spite of all that, I find myself somewhat melancholy this 4th. I'm not a big lover of the fourth, and I don't love the fireworks (especially this year, as I anticipate a Gus freak out), but I find myself a little sad. Maybe it's because last year we got to spend it with Otterbutt and ThirtyOne Flavors and children. (Son was talking about all the fireworks he did last year with "Camme"). Maybe it's because we weren't invited to any barbecues. Maybe it's because I didn't get it together enough to make either potato salad OR any kind of pie.
But really I think it's because I think of the fourth as a holiday that most people spend with their families. And we spent most of it inside trying to stay cool. I did watch some Wimbledon (a family tradition), and we did make some hamburgers with corn and potatoes (everything cooked on the grill, of course).
Maybe it's because I feel somewhat isolated and like a shut-in. I'm not trying to feel sorry for myself, but we don't really have a "group" of friends that we hang out with all the time and would, naturally, spend the Fourth with. We do have friends, but they are all from different groups (cliques?), not really forming a coherent whole. We don't really have people over (except sometimes we do). We don't really go out for drinks with certain people or go to bars (much) or etc, etc, etc.
I guess our social isolation is partly an effect of being a parent (babysitter? What babysitter? Ours is in France). And it's partly an effect of being writers who are trying to write this summer. We haven't been on the phone inviting people over. But partly, I think, it's an effect of the environment where we live. Lots of people here have lived here for a long time and have lots of friends that they have had forever. OR they spend holidays with their families.
I felt this way when I lived in Seattle too. But there, perhaps because I was single and very social, I made friends with other people who had recently moved to Seattle. Once, at a party, I made friends with a whole group of people from Ohio because they were in the kitchen talking and I thought they said "Idaho." I sat on the lap of one of these people, a man named Wheat (not kidding!), in a van on the way home. But that's a story for another post.
I also made friends with a woman who was a customer of mine at Starbucks because she went to College of Idaho. And she was good friends with the only person I knew who went there.
Maybe I just need to start an "I'm from Idaho or a state that sounds like Idaho" club. Or a "we used to have friends but then we had a kid" club. Or "My family's not here, want to have a barbecue?" club. Or "I like to drink pre-made margaritas" club.
I could go on like this for hours.