Self-Portrait as Lucian Freud's "Double Portrait" (1985-86)

Am I the woman, artificially still, arranged as if in sleep,

or death? Am I the dog, nestled beside her, its jaw tense,

dreaming, ready to snarl or bite? Am I the paint, deep

and patchy, ridged  brushstrokes blowing from edge

to edge? Or am I the canvas, flat, transparent, and square?

Am I the navy of her dress, her pale buttery skin, the grayish-

pink of the dog’s vulnerable belly? Am I the paint brush, the hair

Of rabbit, badger, or horse? Am I the shadow beneath the weight

of her arm, casually shielding her eyes, or is her pose a defense

against the artist’s gaze? I’m the suggestion of a wall, the blank

bedsheet, the too white bed, the dog’s mottled fur, the sense

the world is one indecipherable scene and art makes it think.

What, exactly, is it the subject of this painting? That which we see:

woman, dog, paint? Or the space between the painting and me?

Proud to Be An American

Now, before you go singing that song, which is basically the musical equivalent of the phrase "Freedom isn't Free" and a bumper sticker that reads "Ask me how I feel about America!" and also something slightly more red-necky, let me just say that what made me feel proud this week has nothing to do with traditional patriotism.
Sometimes I have serious qualms about this project we call America, not because of our politics which are, let's face it, in a state of near patheticism, but culturally. I think we are best known for things like "American Idol" and "Jersey Shore" and Taylor Swift. Where is the art, my people, wherefore the Big Ideas?
Well, this week I was made proud on two counts by the same work of art; proud as a mother, and proud as a member of the culture that produced said work of art. And what, my friends, was this little gem?
It was this week's episode of "Glee." Yes, hokey songs and choreography, yes emotionally manipulative. But, the message was timely and oh so important: those of us who are not gay or bullied have to stand up for those who are. Yes, we need to love our (metaphorical and literal) brothers.
I am proud to be part of the culture that produced this art, knowing full well that there are still people out there who will speak out against it.
This episode brought me to tears. And it brought Son to tears. Sometimes I think he is too much boy, not feeling enough, not given to bouts of sympathy. But it made him cry, even if he didn't quite understand the implications of it. And that made me proud.

I Love Coffee!

I didn't post yesterday, but for good measure let's just say that yesterday I was thankful to reach a milestone in end of the semester hoops (almost done!) and that I was also thankful that we found the place we got our tree last year, a local garden shop and the tree was less than $50 (which seems to be the starting price?!), and it took us about half-an-hour.

Today, I am thankful for coffee. MB tipped me off to this cool & funny tribute to coffee, which I share with you. Today I'm going to finish grading and decorate the tree (it's small and really quite adorable). Then I'll take Gus for a walk (off leash!), and then go to Book Club. I'm thankful for all these little gems in my life (dog, books, friends, canyons, etc.).

Art!

I went to an opening last night for some friends, a couple who are both painters. The show was at a media company which, by the way, had three old video games in one room. One of them was Asteroids.
In any case, I saw some new local artists, including Nathan Florence. I had never seen it before, but it's very pretty. I especially liked the work that incorporated fabric into the paintings. But my favorite was this one Love Poem. You might not be able to tell, but it's a Shrinky Dink. How cool is that?
My friends are Emily Plewe and John Sproul. They are very different painters, and I sometimes wonder how it is to be married to someone who works in the same medium as you do. I love the colors in Emily's work and she told a friend that she is inspired by the cosmos (as in, images from deep space). So that's cool. I especially like "Nimbus."
John's work usually has human forms in it. His website doesn't have any of his new stuff on it, which is a shame, because it's fantastic. He had one there last night that was called "Cut the baby in half" and was a huge canvas with a drawing of what looked like a falling man (wearing a shirt and tie, with no eyes). The words were written on in pencil too.
There were some other cool things there. But I'd have to say my favorite were John's new drawings. It was nice to connect with them again.
I told John I was going to contact him so we could do some collaboration, so I'm hoping that works out. It would be great.
It's nice to be reminded that there is lots of great art right here in my very own town.

Recent Happenings in Dr. Write-ville

Back to lists:

1. I went to the Utah Arts Fest, where I read, friends of mine read, and Hightouch got a much deserved Arts Award from the Mayor (actually she got it from the Mayor's Chief of Staff who happens to be dating a friend of mine, but that's another story) and I had some important sightings. Let me list them here: the woman who punched another woman at the Son Volt concert last year (I saw her twice! with her kids!); the lead singer of the Purbats; a comedian with tons of tattoos that we recognized from Last Comic Standing. He's from West Jordan, but whenever he was on screen it said he was from West Jordy. Now that's comedy!
2. Went to Idaho. It was hot, but less hot than here, and fun. We did some hiking, and some swimming, some tennising, and more important, some eating of burritos from the taco truck and some drinking of the beer at the local brew pub. Also saw a grad school friend who just bought a house for $98,000. Anyone want to move to SE Idaho?
3. Two other cool things from Idaho: in downtown Pocatello they put pavers around downtown with quotations by local authors on them. They are about to do another round, but I missed the deadline. Maybe next time! I walked in to a coffee shop and there, there!, behind the counter was the man who had been my boss at the Starbucks on Queen Anne in Seattle. What, pray tell, was he doing in Pocatello? He opened a coffee shop there. His sister and brother live in Pocatello. Weird!
4. Middlebrow finished a big backyard project. He dug and hurt his back and sweated a lot. I helped a little. It's almost done (we need more gravel), but already I have that feeling of accomplishment, though I didn't really do anything.
5. Tomorrow: tennis! (playing. and maybe some watching. Wimbledon is nearing conclusion...)

And that's all for today.....

“To Be Looked At (From the Other Side of the Glass) With One Eye, Close To, for Almost an Hour”

after Duchamp, 1918
for Lisa B.

squinting I saw you fragmented like rain or glass, splintered
the way time broke into the number of paintings
or how many seconds you could study Monet and still get
the point or how I came around the corner to Wyeth’s
Christina’s World or finding something new and feeling
my heart leap into my eyes and Lucien Freud with his
whippets and nudes, what would Sigmund say? But
there’s no time for contemplation because twenty
dollars for two hours is ten dollars an hour I can
still do simple math even after three days in New
York City (four dinners, two movies, one play,
countless glasses of wine, one overpriced martini,
two trips to H&M, one bowl of soup, three Stellas)
& what makes it more worthwhile than you
waiting up like the mother you are and we're eating
chocolate and wanting to go home but never
to leave and all the pictures and the notes scrawled
in Moleskins, the coffee consumed and the bagels
Central Park and the simple sensation of strolling
up and down the streets, rain or not, and the subway
ride and the taxis and I want to see the whole thing
up close again, both eyes open because if art can be this

Back from AWP/NYC

I'm back! For a moment at JFK, it seemed touch and go, but we made it back only about 40 minutes late.
In general, New York was wonderful. I have to say I didn't attend any panels that were great and amazing (because I missed Otterbutt's panel! Damn!), but everything else was wonderful and amazing.
To wit: great food at both Union Square Cafe and Balthazar. Huge, gigantic sandwich at Carnegie Deli. Good beer at a pub. Great soup at Hale and Hearty. Good bagel and muffin at Dean and Deluca. Much shopping at H&M.
Saw "Rock-N-Roll" by Tom Stoppard. Amazing performances by Rufus Sewell and Brian Cox. Fantastic set and music. Smart and touching.
Saw "27 Dresses" at Time's Square AMC. Everything a romantic comedy should be: romantic and funny, and not as bad as the critics said. What do they know? Also, saw a trailer for the new "Sex and the City" movie. There was an audible gasp when the trailer started (among the mostly female audience, I should say).
Saw "Michael Clayton" in my hotel room while eating chocolate. Trust HighTouch, it IS as good as she says. Amazing. I want to see it again. I love George Clooney!!
Went to MOMA on Sunday morning. Mind blowing. Around every corner another masterpiece. And some cool stuff that I'd never heard of, most notably "Stillwater" by Roni Horn (if you click the link it will take you to the Tate, which owns a copy of "Stillwater" but also an article by Horn about it. Cool!). Footnoted photographs. Brilliant.
All in all, a really great trip. I will now set about my plan of convincing MB that we need to take a trip without Son for our 10th anniversary, destination unknown.

Movie Night

Last night Middlebrow and I finally got around to watching "The Lives of Others" which had been languishing in the basement for weeks. Weeks! We hadn't watched it because it's so long, but finally a few uninterrupted hours stretched before us, so we opened a bottle of wine and settled in for some movie watching/reading.
I love foreign films. I sometimes think that I might absorb some language just by hearing it. This seldom really works.
I really liked this movie for many reasons. It was slow, dialogue driven with complex characters who struggled against their circumstances. The movie was about making art and following rules and breaking rules and being a good person or being a bad person in bad circumstances.
What I liked most was how an unsympathetic character becomes sympathetic over time. Watching this movie, I felt like one of the reasons Americans often fail to make Important Art is because we don't really have a lot of environmental challenges. I don't mean global warming. I mean institutions and societies that imprison us. Regimes that silence us.
Obviously one could argue that the "regime" we live under now attempts, daily, to silence and imprison. And, no doubt, some great art will be made in the aftermath of this war.
But, culturally, Americans are forbidden to do very little. I do remember the woman who rolled in chocolate (what a waste of chocolate. Unless someone licked it off...) and The Piss Christ. But really, weren't those just attempts to provoke a conservative administration? Were they really "art"? Or attempts at "art"? (That is, were the artists trying to do something aesthetically or were they just trying to make a statement?)
What I mean is, most Hollywood movies gloss over the difficult moments, the repressive institutions, the awkward silences and difficult decisions. At one point in the movie MB commented, "At this point, the Hollywood movie would turn the plot into a chase scene, lots of shooting." American movies often substitute the big explosion for the subtle change.
I even liked the ending of this movie, though for a few moments I was afraid it was going to have a dark, depressing ending and I was going to be mad. But a few friends had said they loved the end, so I held my breath and waited. And it was good.
A very satisfying, moving film. Five stars!