Some Birthday Thoughts

Since it is my birthday, I thought I would include some Deep Thoughts here for your edification.

1. Birthdays are just another day. But on this day, I feel I set the tone for the coming year. I also feel this way about New Year's Day, so I try to do things I think will bode well for the next 365 days. So today, I worked out (good, right?) and then had breakfast (also good, yes?). With friends. I think this last part is key.
2. Surround yourself with happy people. (see above)
3. Set goals you can accomplish. Next year I want to be grateful, to be happy, to enjoy life and appreciate my friends. I also would like to be injury & pain free.
4. Try to see the good in the bad. I wasn't fond of 2012. But some good things happened. Right? I'm trying to think of them...instead of saying "I had to have surgery in July!" I say, "there were 11 months in 2012 in which I did not have to have surgery." Hurray!
5. My body is telling me not to do things that are bad for me anyway. I'm going to listen to my body.
6. But still, I'm going to enjoy life by partaking of wine, chocolate, etc in moderate amounts.
7. Do more yoga. (this is always a good idea)
8. Meditate, even if your meditation is to stare out the window into the distance (or the neighbor's house, whatever) and to contemplate your existence.
9. Be in this isness. A good friend of mine once said this, and I have been coming back to it lately as I try to lessen the stress in my life.
10. A corollary of number 9 is this gem: Lean into the pain. I saw this on a TED talk. I'm not even sure what the topic of the TED talk was. But I think of this when I am stressing out, or when I'm fighting with Son. Sometimes, the pain or stress comes from the resistance. If you relax, then sometimes the pain goes away. This is what I've found.

I hope these small thoughts help you as you navigate this (sometimes) difficult season. The point of holidays is not to buy stuff or to stress out, but to take a moment to appreciate what we have, and to enjoy the people in our lives. 

That Time of Year...

Yes, friends, it's that time of year when your hosts, Dr. W & MB, once again contemplate the Happiness Index, the size of house to sanity ratio, the craziness of The Dog, the muddiness of the yard and all things locational.
Should we move?
Should we get a new(er) car?
Should we start stuffing money under the mattress, you know, just in case?
Should we reseed the yard or just pave it over?
Should we plant a garden?
Do we need a bigger house or should we take a trip to Ireland?
Do we need a newer car?
Should I get a new bicycle?
Should we add on?
Should we get a shipping container, put it in the backyard and turn it into My Office?
What, friends, Should we do?

Success

...it furthers one to cross the great waters.
Or something like that. It's a quote I'm misremembering from the I Ching, back when I believed that if I threw coins it could tell me something about myself. I don't disbelieve it now, maybe I just believe it a little less. Or, maybe, I want to believe it.
I wrote 2,000 words today.
After my last post, complaining that I couldn't do it all, I did work out today and I even went to Costco and bought various forms of protein and then I cooked a turkey breast (btw, SUPER complicated: you cut open the package, plop it in a dish and put it in the oven). And then I made myself lunch and took a shower. And then I wrote.
Then I picked up the kid from school, drove the carpool, did a little more grocery shopping (what is it about the words "almond milk" that cause that item to drop off my list the moment I walk into a store? Is it because I'm stupid?) came home, surfed the internet for 15 minutes, then I wrote for another hour and then I "made dinner" (made quinoa: boil water, add quinoa; steamed broccoli: boil water, cut up broccoli, put broccoli in pan; cut up turkey I had already cooked; poured chocolate soymilk into glass: Wala! I'm mother of the year!).
Then we watched "Community" and Son had a snack of health food store toaster pastries.
Then I sat on the couch with Son and we both read Diary of a Wimpy Kid books. I finished mine! Then I watched "Waitress." Why can movies have happy endings and not be sappy? Or, are they sappy and we just don't mind? And by "we" I mean "me." I mean, I don't mind.
So that's my "I'm Superwoman and don't you fucking forget it" Day.
Did I mention that MB did all the dishes and a shitload of laundry? I'm sure that had something to do with it. Also, who cares what we have for dinner? I mean, I got all the food groups in there. Plus dessert that comes in little foil packets. That, my friends, is the secret to happiness. Whatever it is, it's just fine.

Overheard from the back seat

"Smell this book. Doesn't it smell good? It smells like the used bookstore. I love the smell of books!"

I miss Cromwell News

When I was in London, I frequented a small shop called Cromwell News. It was right next door to our hostel. The water was cold, if over priced, and it was open late.
But that's not why I loved it or why I miss it now. I miss it because of the man who worked there. He always smiled and his eyes sparkled in the most cliched way possible. He always asked me questions about how I was and what I was doing. I never asked his name, but he made my time in London better, because I knew he would always smile at me. I wondered if it was just me, or if he smiled at everyone. He did smile at everyone, but sometimes when I walked past the shop, not going in, but on my way somewhere, he would see me and raise his eyebrows in greeting and smile.
On the day before my last day in London, I asked him why he was always so happy. I didn't fully understand his answer (he was from London, but he was Indian), but the upshot was: you have to make yourself happy. I think he said, "There's a war out there" and it was clear he wasn't specifically talking about Iraq or Afghanistan, but the world in general. "You can't let it get to you," he said.
Here was a guy with a fairly boring job (standing or sitting in a fairly small shop, selling postcards and water and souvenirs) and he just seemed to be blissful, in the true meaning of the word.
He said he wanted to go back to India, eventually, but he was content for now. No, not content, happy.
When we got up on Sunday to leave, Cromwell News was not yet open. I never told him good-bye, but I really, really liked him.
I hope I never forget the way his eyes smiled.

Contemplations for July

1. What is happiness?
2. Is happiness having only 39 days of summer vacation left? Or having a whole 39 days of vacation left!
3. Is happiness the difference between a question mark and an exclamation point?!
4. Is happiness a certain beverage?
5. Is happiness box wine?
6. What is suffering?
7. Is suffering the patio project?
8. Does suffering involve digging?
9. Can suffering be solved by certain beverages?
10. What is the relationship between happiness, suffering and box wine?

Discuss.

Clarity Lite

All of you know that I recently ran a big crazy race (because I won't stop talking about it). I think I hurt my waist (if one can hurt one's waist, then I did), but that's not what I want to write about. No, I want to write about the general sense of happiness and well-being that has come over me since the race. Actually, I think it started with the third leg of the race. I went into it with the attitude of well, this is the last one, how bad can it be? because soon it will be over. But I have to say that the third leg was my favorite.
First, because it was the third leg, I didn't feel like I had to run fast. I just settled into a rhythm and stuck with it. It helped that my rhythm also allowed me to pass a few people.
Second, the leg started at Rockport State Park in the dark. But not in the real middle-of-the-night dark. It was more the sun's-about-to-come-up dark. So I ran into the sunrise, farm land on each side. Horses, grass, barns. Wow. It was beautiful. And I just felt happy to be running in the morning in such a beautiful place. If not for the race, would I ever have run exactly there at that time? No.
Third, and maybe this is the endorphins talking, but since I got back (well, to be honest I'd have to say that it's really since I woke up Sunday morning after a good night's sleep) I've felt a little more calm about most things. I don't worry so much about not writing, I don't worry so much about the future or the past.
There's nothing like a big crazy race to help you live (or run) in the present moment. It's still difficult, of course, but I have to say I haven't been plagued by the self-doubt that is usually my constant companion. I haven't worried that I'm a total fraud (until I typed it just now. Now I'm worried about it).
In any case, my general level of anxiety about most things (including exercise) has subsided. I'm loving riding my bike around and swimming.
Peace out!

Let the Summer Writing Begin

Today was offically the first day of Summer Writing, wherein Dr. Write gets the mornings (until noon, I suppose) and Middlebrow the afternoons (when do they end? Unknown). The bonus is that Son is still in school until the end of the month. So Monday through Thursday we both get afternoons.
I have signed Son up for an ungodly amount of camps: language camp, swimming lessons, bug camp and weather camp. And that's just June!
I am hoping that I can finish a draft of my second novel. (the first, of course, remains fragmentary and incomplete)
In July we will travel to Washington state for some vacation. But we have vowed not to let some ideal of a "balanced life" interfere with writing. Meaning: no good intentions in regards to camping, gardening, socializing. Maybe some hiking. That's as far as we'll go.
So, my goal is a chapter (25 pages) a week. That means five pages a day, with weekends to catch up if I fall behind. I hope I can keep it up!!
Today: word count 1,665. So far, so good.

We're Almost There....Where?

We can now see the light at the end of the tunnel. Is it an on-coming train? The happy light of the ever after?
It might, possibly, be the sun. Or maybe a funnel cloud of love and illumination. Or maybe it might just be the sneaking suspicion that all of humanity is not devoid of intelligent thought and compound-complex sentence structures. Maybe it's something like optimism.
Maybe it's an hallucinatory image of ourselves sitting in the cozy breakfast nook writing something that came out of our very own heads. Something we made up. Something strange and familiar. Something that makes us smile with its unpredictability. Something that scares us with its fierce insistence to be written.
Sigh.
Maybe it's just an idea. That would be novel.

The Benefit of Low Expectations

My favorite thing about seeing movies at the Dollar Theater (which actually costs $1.50, but nevermind about that, that doesn't have the same ring as Dollar Theater, who would call it the Dollar-Fifty Theater?) is that my expectations are so low, I am often pleasantly surprised when the movie is better than average, good even.
Take tonight's selection, "Stranger Than Fiction." Going in, I knew it starred Will Ferrell (whom I love, and will always love if for no other reason than the Cheerleader Skit on SNL), Emma Thompson (who doesn't love Emma Thompson? If you don't, I don't want to know. She said something once in an interview about having a "big-shouldered" admiration for something or someone, I forget, but I still think she was talking about me), Maggie Gyllenhal (besides having the world's most attractive brother AND husband (is that fair?), she's an amazing actress), Dustin Hoffman (as a college professor! who is also a lifeguard! and reads Sue Grafton while he's lifeguarding!), and wait, I haven't even gotten to the best part, Queen Latifah!!! (as the writer's assistant. Is that fair? I'm sure I could write a great novel if I had Queen Latifah to bring me coffee and arrange notecards in my sparsley furnished apartment).
My expectations for this film were low. How low? Well, I had heard almost nothing about it (buzz=0), and it seemed like it had hit the dollar theater pretty quickly, so I was prepared for it to be funny in parts, charming in parts, and to have some flaw, major or minor, that would make me like it a little less.
Well, of course I was pleasantly surprised. The only flaw, that I could see, were the several scenes where the mic was lowered too far. But being the great post-modernist that I am, I wondered, briefly, if I was supposed to see the mic. Like the director reminding me, "hello! you're watching a movie!" Unfortunately, I think it was just a mistake. But, as I said, that was the only flaw.
The great strengths of this film, aside from the amazing cast, were the intelligent script, the clever but not too clever camera work, and soundtrack.
Plus, Dustin Hoffman, as charming, caffeine-swilling, self-involved college professor, gets to say, quoting from a line that is the Will Ferrell character's life, "Little did he know? Little did he know? I wrote a paper on 'Little did he know.' I taught a whole seminar on 'Little did he know.'" Perhaps the reason this film did not do better is because only graduate students and college teachers will think that is funny.
But count me pleasantly surprised. I highly recommend this film. And, actually, the dollar theater is still the dollar theater before five.
So that's the benefit of low expectations.
(Unfortunately, my expectations were not so low for the Ginger dairy-free, gluten-free, egg-free cookie I took as my "snack." Let's just say I was not pleasantly surprised. But I did eat the whole thing.)

Happy VD!

Inspired by Dean Dad's Valentine's Day post (well, maybe more by some of the comments, though the post itself was very sweet), I've decided to tell you a heartwaming story about how Middlebrow and I got together (exactly 10 years ago!).
First let me say that we went on three dates before we even kissed. On date three, we talked about couples we admired, people who seemed to have genuine partnerships and equality. We talked about how we didn't want to be like our parents (his still married, mine divorced and married to new partners), mostly because we didn't like the imbalance we observed. Among the people we admired were professors in the department where we were both graduate students. One couple we liked for their choices: one car, they took turns cooking and caring for their children, and they both were (are) successful in their respective fields. That, we said, was how we wanted to be. Let me remind you, we hadn't even kissed yet!
Maybe a week or so after we actually kissed, it was Valentine's Day. We agreed that we were against it, Middlebrow mostly because of his employment at a grocery store where, on February 14th, he saw man after man come through his line with a card and a bunch of flowers. Original. So though we don't celebrate this holiday (that is, after all, just another way for companies to get you to buy their products), I'm always reminded that we "got together," as the euphemism goes, right around this time.
It's mind boggling to think that we started dating 10 years ago. (Just for the record, we got engaged after we dated for four months, though I lied and told my parents it had been six months and we got married after we had been engaged for a year). We got engaged after we had the "what are we doing next year?" talk in the kitchen of my apartment. I said something like "I'm not living with someone ever again unless I'm married." We had already decided we wanted to go to graduate school. The next day we were grading papers in a cafe and Middlebrow looked at me and said, "What happened last night? Did we decide to get married?"
But looking back, we have done most of what we talked about on that third date. We finished graduate school, sharing the childcare the whole time. We both have jobs, and we still split the childcare (though I have to say that, lately, Middlebrow has done more than I have). We both cook and do laundry (though, of course, I think I do more of both); Middlebrow does all the man things like killing spiders and plunging toilets and fixing bathrooms.
But, all in all, we have a very equal arrangement. We both like to sit around and read. We like to drink wine and watch movies. Is this not, I ask you, the basis of all good relationships?
And just a note in response to some of those comments over at Dean Dad: some women want to stay home with their kids. I know many women who do and are perfectly content. I'm just not one of those people. But I'm glad I could make the choice I did, and I'm glad I found a person who wanted to make those same choices. This, to me, is one of the great rewards of feminism: we get to invent what we want home, marriage, and family to mean to us. Not that we judge women who make choices we would not make. But that support exists for women to make a variety of choices, and that we support and facilitate each other's choices. (I recognize not all women are free to choose. And we work to change that. But some women are free to choose. And we support that.)
On that note: Happy Valentine's Day!!

Happiness? Location? Money?

Middlebrow and I have been having our annual go-round about whether we can just choose to be happy, if where we live is more important than our salaries, and if we need more money. Oh yeah, and how our house is too small. We always agree on that.
Right now at our CC we are having the annual discussion about how we are woefully underpaid. It's stunning, however, to see exactly how underpaid we are, compared to CCs in other parts of the country. I could be making about $30,000 more a year if I lived in, say, California. Aye, as they say, there's the rub. We don't want to live in California. We do, however, want to make $30,000 more a year. I know, housing would cost more. But that much more per year?
In my mind, it's all about long-term benefits, meaning retirement, and earnings over the course of my career.
Of course, I have to remind myself that we love Son's school, and that, having lived here for almost nine years, we have an actual community, something we both value highly. But, are we allowing ourselves to be exploited?
Obviously I didn't go into teaching for the money. But it's apalling how little we are being paid for the same work (in some cases more work!) than teachers in other parts of the country!
So how do we decide what's more important? Lately I've been leaning towards being happy. But with the new information I've been receiving, I feel like maybe I'm selling myself short. I know the legislature in our fair state is not going to wake up and raise our salaries (at least not in my lifetime). I do love where we live, though I don't always love the politics or the liquor laws. I love our proximity to outdoor recreation. Did I mention that our house is too small?
Today I looked at job listings in other states. It looks like I could start for at least $10,000 more almost anywhere else.
Tell me, what's a girl to do?

Recipe for Happiness

1. Swim often. Why do I continually have to relearn this? I finally bought a new swim cap ($8.95 at Pool and Patio) and then made it to the pool around 2 pm. The hours this semester are better, meaning I may be able to swim three days a week. Hip hip hooray!
2. Don't stay up too late drinking wine and watching the new DVD you just got in the mail, "Grease." (I blame Amazon and Middlebrow for this. But it's so tempting to begin a movie library. So far we have: Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, Hannah and Her Sisters, Annie Hall, Monster in a Box, When Harry Met Sally, and of course, Grease. Next I'm lobbying for Saturday Night Fever.)
3. Write every day. Again, I still haven't learned this. Even if it's only one sentence, I need to write every day. My sanity depends on it.
4. Play games with your child. It's fun! It has been too long since I sat down for a good game of Uno with Son. So today I did. He ate Triscuts while I munched on carrots. We each won one game. All fair! We are also fond of Blink, Clue jr., Dinosaur Dig, chess (well, he's fond of it. and I try hard), Connect Four, and any card games.
5. Get your errands out of the way. This, again, is a lesson I constantly relearn. Why do I defer? I finally got over to REI and they replaced part of my binding for free. Free! And I returned some pants and then I got my new swim cap, all things I've needed to do for what feels like forever.
6. Sometimes, eat canned soup for dinner. This goes to sanity. Sometimes, I just can't care about cooking. Mostly the day after I stayed up until 1 a.m. watching movies. But it's okay. Also good: bagged salad, and sandwich night. All good. And the added bonus of very little clean up.
7. Take Son sledding or skiing. Must get outside. Ignore inversion. Get ya-yas out. Must get ya-yas out.
8. Take time to chat with acquaintances. I'm always pleasantly surprised when I see someone I know at, say, the grocery store or the library. I like to chat with them. It makes me feel like I live in a community rather than a city.
9. Sometimes, sit and stare into space.
10. Ignore your email. Every once in a while.