Being Behind

I think as a teacher and a writer and a parent one gets quite comfortable with being behind on things, such as housework and grading.
I am dismayed, however, that by Day 5 of Write a Poem a Day I was already behind! However I caught up.
The problem was, I was too ambitious with poem 3, so I got tripped up....but I chose to write short and easy poems for 4 & 5 and thus was able to go back and finish 3, trying to just finish it and not make it awesome.
I love the assignment part of NaPoWrMo. It's pretty fun and once in a (great) while I come up with something I like. But even without that, I learn something. (Like what a Golden Shovel is. I wrote one last year and it's the form that tripped me up on Day 3! Lesson learned! Don't be so ambitious on Day 3! Listen to William Stafford: Lower your standards!)
In any case, Easter is going quite well so far, because I prepped the lamb last night so all I had to do was pop it in the oven (popped!). Then cut up potatoes and make some herb salt (too easy!).
Then later I will make some salad which is pretty easy, though not as easy as EASY. In any case, pretty easy.
Also, Son is back in the fold and though we are back (less than 24 hours!!) to our disagreements about the computer, I also took Son swimming this morning, which makes my heart swell, just a little. I had a heart to heart with him, in the pool, about the fate that is his a la genetics: whatever sport he chooses he will be good at it. So just choose already! He is smart so, of course, he wants to debate with me about the value of teamwork and working the body, etc., versus the mind. I am willing to engage in such debates, but ultimately I will make him do some kind of physical activity.
Well, this catches me up on one thing: blogging!
If you want to read my poems and also Hightouch's poems, they are at our old and now New Again! blog, the Poem a Day. (see blog roll on the right).
Peace Out, Tulips!

Malaise, Part II

Today my malaise is lessened, perhaps by the friends (real, actual friends, not those FB types!) who express concern about my general state.
It could be, also, that Wednesday malaise is always and forever a lesser malaise than Monday.
Or, could it be, the sunshine? The snow visible on the mountains?
Or still yet, could it be that from Wednesday one can see, shimmering mirage-like in the distance, Friday? And beyond that, the dry expanse of something known as the weekend which, surely, will contain an opportunity for recovery? Recovery, one hopes, from this general malaise.
Also, it should be said, the enormous amount of grading can not be insignificant in this general, overall malaise-type feeling.
One should also, perhaps, not sit, mooning over photographs of a younger, leaner self with a younger, more squishable Son while drinking coffee that is, admittedly, good and perhaps a cure for morning variety malaise. The photographs do no good! They cause regret! Put them away!! (but look first, again, at the general adorableness of the Son. Observe it, as well, in his actual self, silently eating cereal in the kitchen).
I feel, again and ever, like Alfie the child in "Annie Hall."
"What's the use?" he laments. "The universe is expanding."
Indeed, Alfie. Indeed.

What HAVE I been doing?

Every day feels packed with activity, but when I look back and reflect on what I have done the past month....umm.....what?

Plus Hightouch blogs the list with such linguistic proficiency, I thought I'd just do the list, because you know, it's a list.

1.     So I guess I've been working on a novel, off and on, for almost 2 months and I haven't yet reached the 50,000 word mark, but, hey, I'm giving myself...more time.

2.     We went to Boulder, Utah for the long weekend (remember that long weekend?). We stayed at Boulder Mountain Ranch (highly recommended), went to our favorite coffee place (Kiva Koffeehouse), saw some slot canyons (I'm too much of a baby (claustrophobic) to actually go in them, but most others did), ate some bacon, went to an architect's cool house & had ribs (yum!!), did a hike, then drove home in a rain/hail storm (what?!).

3.     Reading: a disappointing Icelandic mystery (not by my beloved), a few good books (Rae's new book; I Think I Love You; Ross MacDonald; Box of Matches); the newspaper, etc.

4.     Eating and Drinking: I like wine and I think summer is made for drinking.

5.     Started an eating/exercising challenge:  because I thought I needed to start drinking less and doing other things more, like taking daily walks, stretching, and making sure I ate enough. So far, mixed results. I probably do drink less, over all, but on a few days I still drank a lot (I blame my wine friends), and I can never quite eat the right amount of blocks (Zone alert!). But, I have been pretty active and I am stretching...more.

6.     Started running again: two runs. That's a start.

7.     Had my body fat tested. Ask me what my body fat percentage is. Go ahead, ask me.

8.     Crossfit. This goes without saying. 

9.     Submitted one essay to one place. Again, it's a start.

10. Hey, I finally organized the Crossfit Women Trainers get together. That's something.

11. I did some (very little!) yard work.

12. I've cleaned my house a gajillion times for people who want to come look at our house, which is for sale.

13. Finally trying to do some personal maintenance: brows. Today a haircut, tomorrow a pedicure. Progress!

14. Swimming: once, but still.

15. Independent study with 3 students: this is only one hour a week, but still, somehow, it feels like more.

16. Staring into space: I'm good at this.

17. Ushering Son through his last days of school: this seems like it would be easy, but involved a lot more driving around than expected.

18. Baseball: Son has like 12 games a week (exaggeration!) plus practice, so I have to sit and talk to my friends while he makes excellent plays at first (go Son!), which is, you know, super taxing.

19. Cooking things that really take no cooking: like carrot sticks and tuna.

20. I saw a movie!

21. I told Son he could have a sleepover, so now I'm preparing for that: buying lots of vodka for self-medication.  

The Beauty of Getting Older

...is that you appreciate things so much more.
Such as:

• my amazing husband (who else would have married me?)
• friends you have known for a long time
• friends with whom you have many things in common
• the laughter of Son (and his sense of humor in general)
• delicious drinks, like Jack Frost, The Metropolitan, and White Sangria
• the amazing shoulders of Dwight Howard, seriously, check this dude out
• friends who will take your crazy son for the night so you can, briefly, pretend to be an Adult
• being so much stronger this year than last
• being able to afford to go out for fancy drinks & a fancy dinner (at least a few times a year)
• wine
• mountains
• my very expensive Victoria's Secret bra (I saw a dude checking me out at the game last night. It's so the bra!)

More Disgusting Trials I Will Not Mention

If one were to make a brochure or a pamphlet or even, God forbid!, a short book called, perhaps, The Truth about Parenting, no one, I submit, NO ONE would actually ever become a parent. Because, by God, one is called upon to do disgusting things that no amount of money could induce you to do but you do it now, for FREE!, because and for no other reason: you are a Parent.
I will not trouble you with the gag inducing details of said activity, but suffice it to say I need a very, very large drink, preferably made by someone else.
Okay, yes, I will admit here that small children are cute, but they can also be vicious (they have sharp teeth! ouch!), and yes, their little hands are adorable when they pat you on the back or when they grasp yours. Cute! Cute!
But really.
I will say no more, for fear of betraying the disgusting which I promised not to divulge.
Except I will remind you that one time I had to put my hands out to catch the vomit (vomit!) of my son. And this, THIS, was even more disgusting than that.
Where is my drink?

What "hate" Means to a 9 Year Old

This morning, when I took my son's book away because he needed to eat breakfast instead of read, he threw a Royal Fit which consisted of him screaming and stomping and throwing a basketball at MB. Then, of course, he shouted at me, red in the face, "I hate you!"
Of course it made me angry, but what does the word "hate" really mean to a 9 year-old?
Let's consider some of its uses:

• "I hate ______!" (insert name of vegetable): This means: I don't like it, I won't try it. You can't make me!
• "I hate ______!" (insert school subject): This means: It's difficult, or they try to tell me what to do.
• "I hate Justin Beiber!": This means, I hate Justin Beiber, and really, who can blame him?
• "I hate cleaning my room!" : This is just an acknowledgement of a universal truth. Everyone hates cleaning. 
• "I hate you!" : This means, as my mother, you are supposed to love me, even when I scream like this at you. You still love me, right? Wait, I'm going to throw something! Now do you still love me? Wait! I can scream louder! Louder still! I'm still screaming. I can do whatever I want and you still have to feed me breakfast! You can't deny me breakfast! It's illegal! Where's my breakfast? What do you mean I still have to go to school? I'm screaming! 

So, in this short post I have proven when a 9 year old yells, "I hate you!" at his mother, what he really means is "I need a hug." 

Not as Productive as Hightouch...

Over at Hightouch she's making us all look bad with her productivity and general creative generativity. But, you know, I need to feel good about myself too, so I'm making a list to assuage my feeling that I'm not really doing as much as I could (which is basically how I feel 24/7).
Here's my list, which covers something like the last few days:

1. Did Fight Gone Bad, for which I raised more than $200 (FGB is a Crossfit work out and trust me, you don't want to know what it is, just believe me when I say it's 17 minutes of hell, plus it was hot yesterday!)
2. Ate a hamburger and drank a beer. (boy! that was hard work!)
3. Made enchilada sauce from mostly* scratch (*bought and roasted Anaheim peppers, cut the onion myself, added spices and then opened a can of fire roasted tomatoes)
4. Made enchiladas (chicken, cheese)
5. Made cilantro margaritas (yes! they are as good as they sound!)
6. Attended class party that I had helped plan & arrange
7. Yawned vigorously and openly
8. Went home early and went to bed
9. Got up early (6:15), made myself a cup of coffee & took the Crazy Dog for a hike with some Awesome Friends
10. Came home 
11. Made Huevos Rancheros with left over enchilada sauce (yes! they are as good as they sound!)
12. Got Son to do his chores
13. Massacred the rose bushes in the front of my house
14. Made Son's bed
15. Laundrized the clothing
16. Scrubbed, on hands and knees, with Comet, most of the kitchen floor (to be completed upon completion of this post) (yes! on hands and knees! It's archaic!! It works!!)
17. Sat on couch and did the computer thing (in progress)
18. Thought about what kind of salad to make for dinner
19. Planned homemade salad dressing
20. Blogged (in progress)

So, though I may have accomplished nothing on the Personal Growth end of things, my kitchen floor looks amazing (60%), my Son is clean and breathing (he took a shower!), and I know feel better about my productivity.
What a day!

What is good about Now?

Well, one thing is that since the semester has started, I don't have to fret about what might happen, because it's already happening.
What, you might ask, is that?
Well, first, the students are finally settling down into their roles as students. You know, the I'm going to ask the difficult question and try to pin you down student. The Why do you think you know so much about writing student. The I'm going to come, but you can't make me work student. The tell me more about your personal life student. The You are to blame for my shortcomings student. And the we love you no matter what because you are just a little bit funny and very sarcastic and seem to be looking down at us, oh, just a little bit students. Those last ones are my favorites.
Also, I am almost, maybe getting into a routine which involves exercise AND writing. But no grading. Well, I might have to work on that last one.
And, speaking of routines, it is now time for me to drive to the school of Son and pick him up, along with his trusty sidekick, whom I will call The Laugher because he laughs at every thing Son says, does or implies.
And with that, I'm off!

My (3) Days of Single Motherhood

Well, Middlebrow went off to his fancy conference to eat and drink and be merry, leaving me to keep Son alive and make sure Gus the Dog doesn't eat more than his share of plastic ware.
So far, okay. According to Son, Dad lets him have unlimited soda and chocolate when I'm gone. My goal has been to allow him only one sugar snack per day. So far: I have failed. Yesterday, he had ice cream, then we had chocolate, and finally dessert at a party. Today our neighbor gave us doughnuts, then we had soda at the movie, and shared some M&Ms. Oye vey!
But so far my overwhelming feeling has been one of lessened expectations. I'm sure if I actually were a single mother, I'd just have to get used to the fact that my time was limited and adjust my schedule accordingly. But given that I'm only on my own for three days, I've used it as an excuse to just be okay doing nothing. "Nothing" in this scenario means nothing productive for myself or house related.
However, I have taken the dog to the park twice for a nice catch. Son & I went out for a relatively healthy dinner. Then I read.
It's nice to have a leisurely evening where I don't feel like I have to do anything, but maybe have a beer or read or something. And make sure Son takes a shower every few days and eats at least one or two vegetables along with his RDA of sugar.
Also, the second thing I've learned in my faux Single Motherhood is that I just have to do stuff. Truthfully, I let many chores fall to Middlebrow (as he does with me, see: cooking, laundry, etc.). But when he's gone, I say to myself, well, I guess I'm just going to have to do that. And then I do. Sometimes.
We'll see if I follow through and actually mow the lawn tomorrow. I think I can, I think I can...

My Year: A Post of Absences

I know that at this time of year we (and by "we" I mean people I know or am related to, but not actually me) make year-end lists of things we love or loathe and we look back at the year with fondness or skepticism. This year, I want to start MY year-end retrospective by noting that, recently, I had to fill out a form at a doctor's office. The last question required that I mark any "conditions which trouble me." One of them was "forgetfulness." What? Am I troubled by forgetfulness? Or, more aptly, am I human and over the age of twenty? Time was, I made fun of my mother (how could I be so cruel?) for not recalling where she parked the car. This, my friends, happens to me every time I go to Costco. I've been there so many times how could I possibly distinguish where I parked this time from where I parked last time. But seriously, does this "condition" cause me "trouble"?
So, this year, I will celebrate December 31 by providing you with a trail to things I have forgotten.
Apparently nothing happened in January, and I have no pictures to prove it.
In February, Son had a birthday. What did we do? Can't recall.
Oh yes, see, now I remember. Son wanted breakfast for dinner, so we had bacon, eggs and what look to me like frozen waffles. One memory recovered!

One of the Sadnesses of Challenge Month

Just now, thinking about making some snack for Son, I became a little heartsick at the thought of not baking things for him...the idea that I can't sit in the breakfast nook with him, eating a homemade cookie and talking about how good they are, knowing I made them, that unlike other cookies, this one had something intangible baked into it, that one of the expressions of feeling is making things, food, for other people. Sadly, much of this food involves flour and sugar.
I know, next month will be different and I can make cookies again, and, more importantly, pie. But just now, just for a minute, I was a little sad.

Son's First Day of School

This picture is just too good not to post. It shows Son on his first day of school. Can you see his attitude oozing from every pore? It's saying "Mom and Dad, don't embarrass me. Just don't. Stop!" I will always remember his first day of school this way. He looks so handsome in his new shirt. And he hates me.

Update: Son's Stats

Reading: 2 books in 3 days
Eating: so far today, oatmeal, bagel, sausage, eggs & toast. He just asked for a cheeseburger.
Anatomy: at 6 am this morning, "Mom! Look! I have a six-pack. I have a six-pack!"
Education: "Chipmunks are educational!"
Guitar: picked up guitar, just now, to practice "Greensleeves"
Song lyrics: "I'm bankrupting my family with haircuts and polishing my nails." (just for the record, I think the last manicure I got was before my sister's wedding...uh, 5 years ago? How long ago was that?)
Vocabulary: glance, levitating, exasperated (though he doesn't really understand the last one)

Blog as Secret Facebook

I feel I should quit revealing my private life on FB, so that leaves my blog, which I'm coming to think of as a more private facebook, not because it is somewhat anonymous, but because if I post on FB, say, that I ate donuts for breakfast or drank wine AND jack daniels last night, my exercise friends will scold me.
Or, if I post some liberal screed my conservative friends will berate me.
Or if I decry Dan Brown's latest book as the death of the American Novel, someone, no doubt, will find me out as the snob I am. (As if all my diatribes against vampire novels haven't outed me already...)
In short, I think I will have to revert to "professional" FB, which sounds boring, but is probably what it is for anyway.
Which means I'll have to post my after finding-of-Son-and-friend, in the car with the windows rolled up, swearing screed here:
"Get the BLEEP in the BLEEPing car right BLEEPing now!!!! Where the BLEEP were you? You stay in the BLEEPing front yard! If I ever BLEEPing find you BLEEPing in the BLEEPing alley, I'll BLEEPing kill you. Do you BLEEPing understand? Do you?"
Or something like that.
It's not pretty. But as I told Son last night, love isn't pretty. Nor is parenting.

Overheard from the back seat

"Smell this book. Doesn't it smell good? It smells like the used bookstore. I love the smell of books!"

Son, Sun, Sedona

Reasons to Smile

1. Listening to Son laugh as he reads Garfield comic book (also, when I look over, he's doing some hand motions and mouthing the words to himself)
2. Cuddling with Son (he entwines his fingers with mine so I can't get away)
3. Son trying to get me to fall asleep in his bed by rubbing my forehead and humming
4. Singing lullabies to Son
5. Working on a new story while Son watches movies in the hotel room
6. Taking Son to the ocean
7. Drinking delicious cinnamon coffee at Mexican restaurant
8. No rain!! on the wedding day
9. Finishing the wedding poem
10. Vacation
    

Two photos and some comments

An orchid from Kew Gardens.

London and the Millennium Bridge

I'm glad to be back in Salt Lake. I had a lovely swim today outside. I fought with Son (everything back to normal!). I saw some friends.
Already, I am scheming ways to get back overseas...any help on this front?
Cheers!

HB, R!

Believe it or not, today Son is 8. Eight! I swear I just gave birth to that boy, carried his 10 pound body around inside my body, felt him turn and twist my guts.
He still twists my guts, but in different ways. He's adorable and smart. He's argumentative and a pain in the ass (where does he get that from?). He reads like crazy now (again, wherefore?), and he's getting so tall, he reaches my shoulder. I can still pick him up, but barely.
I love that he loves to watch "American Idol" with me, and we even voted last night. Why not? He loves The Beatles and REM, he got his first stitches last year (something tells me, not his last), he loves The Hardy Boys and Captain Underpants, he's an artist and a writer and a thinker.
I'm worried about going to London for 3 weeks, leaving him and Middlebrow. Oh, I know they'll be fine, but what about me? When I see a painting in the Tate, I'll think, "Son would love this." I hope I get to go back with both of them someday.
For now, I'll cherish the tiny moments, like last night, watching AI, when he pulled my arm around him, or when we speed-decorated 24 cookies for his birthday during the commercial breaks.
Happy Birthday, Son! Now please stop growing up. I can't take it.

Nothing To Report

I wish I had something to say, but I don't. So here's my blog about nothing.
This morning I asked Son to choose between two of our traditional Christmas cookies and he chose both. So I guess that means that we have to make both. So this morning we'll make the peanut butter, chocolate kiss ones, sugar cookies tomorrow. I hope Son will eat more than his fair share, because I don't think I can eat very many (though I'm sure I will eat more than I should).
What are your favorite cookies readers? Here at our house, it's a tie between the seven layer bars and sugar cookies.
Happy baking and happy eating!