Sick Sickness, The Sick Edition

So, as many of you know from the FB-verse, I have been sick for some, if not all, of 2013. Much of this illness covers that last week or so, and some of it covers whole swathes of January, but never mind. I am not here to praise sickness, but to bury it under a list of things I have done, so that I can feel that, indeed, Sickness, you have not buried me under a mountain of used Kleenex and cough drop wrappers. No, I will rise again!! (sniffle, sniffle, cough!)

1. Watched "Pitch Perfect"! Finally! Why didn't everyone beat me with their fists and plead with me, nay, beg me to watch this the minute it was released, and then again and again? Because it really was *that good*. And I say this even while wondering (if by wondering you mean beating one's chest and looking skyward) why, oh why, do funny movies have to have disgusting bodily function scenes. Can anyone tell me why?
2. Tried different medicines. I want to know, for example, if the liquid green Nyquil (which tastes like Jagermeister and burns) is better, in terms of healing function, than the Sinex capsules which are also an eerie nuclear green, but have no taste, but almost get stuck in my throat. Do I know? I do not, really, except that maybe, maybe the capsules give you less of an "I just drank a bunch of Jagermeister" dry mouth effect. Also, there are these daytime Tylenol cold pills which are minty (why? I'm just going to swallow them. I don't need minty in my esophagus) and they seem to work, but they also make me feel like someone just poured plastic into my sinuses. That is, they work, but do they work by just stopping all sinus functions which will just come back fourfold when they wear off? These are the questions I need answers to.
3. Drank a Mexican coke. I don't have to explain this one, do I?
4. Ate some soft chicken tacos. Hightouchmegastore made me.
5. Drank too much wine. This has nothing to do with anything, per se, but I was starting to feel sick again (a sore throat) and I had already invited people over, and what to do? So I told myself I wouldn't drink too much and then I did, and then what happened? (See #s 3 & 4).
6. Drank a shit ton of tea. I have to say, that I'm a little sick of tea. Which is why I drank coffee today. Sometimes you has to do that.
7. Blew my nose like 8.3 million times. Bought more kleenex. Blew my nose. You see where this is going.
8. Had an idea for, and then wrote an essay. I think under 1,000 words is my sweet spot and by that I mean attention span. Also, the way I write works that way and when I try to make it longer...let's just say Silly Putty.
9. Did not work on some grant applications. That is for suckers and people whose heads are not stuffed with cotton and Nyquil.
10. Deleted a shit ton of email. Why, dear readers, do I not just delete it when it arrives so I don't have to go back and delete it later? Why??
11. Read almost nothing. When sick, even reading seems like too much damn work. I want someone to come and put the words in my brain while I lay here with my eyes closed.
12. Did no prep work. See, I had this great idea at the beginning of the semester and I made a schedule for the first 5 weeks of the semester, and, you see, the first five weeks are rapidly drawing to a close and, my friends, what will I do??
13. Spent a shit ton of time on-line. It has not made me smarter, friends, it has not.
14. Bought my husband a sandwich. He can't say I didn't help.
15. I may have to go out and get chicken pot pie for dinner. I just might.

Julia Child's Boeuf Bourguignon for Real People

Okay, I like French cuisine just as much as the next gal (actually, a little less), but seriously, Julia Childs? Really?
Here is my interpretation of what Julia tells us we should do. Obviously we have to remember that this cookbook was written when women who would make this kind of thing were NOT working and also probably only made it for some kind of big dinner party (or wine club, like me). But even so, the four plus hours this took....might have been worth it, because I'm only doing it once? Maybe.

1. A 6 ounce chunk of bacon: what is 6 ounces? Can't things just come in fractions of pounds? I mean, 8th grade was SO long ago. But, this did give me the chance to go to Tony Caputos and visit the extremely handsome men who work there and say intelligent things like: Do you have the kind of bacon that comes in chunks? Can I have some? You're cute.
2. Cut bacon into "lardons." Okay, Julia, I get it. You're "French." But what the fuck is a "lardon"? And if you have to say, (parenthetically) that it's a stick, can't you just say stick in the first fucking place? I mean, can't you?
3. "Simmer rind and bacon for 10 minutes in 1 1/2 quarts of water." Why boil bacon in water? I'm sure there's a good reason, but can't you tell me what it is?
4. Why does my casserole dish have to be enameled and fireproof? Am I in danger of catching something on fire? What? A dish?
5. How many dishes do I need? Why so much with the "remove to a side dish"? Have you seen the extremely petite kitchen in which I am working? Julia Child, have you seen my kitchen?
6. 3 lbs. lean stewing beef cut into 2 inch cubes. I get the whole cubing thing, I really do, but you know what? I have no idea what an inch is. Here's what I do: hold up my finger and go, how much of this is an inch? And then I use that as a guide. But Julia Child probably had huge hands, like, Shaquille O'Neal hands, so she couldn't just say, half a pinkie, because, you know, of her fucking huge hands. 
7. "Dry the beef in paper towels; it will not brown if it is damp." This is what we call Spa for Beef. Seriously? Dry it? Like, get out a towel and pat it down? Oh Julia, what would Freud say?
8. So you're browning the beef and the bacon and then taking it out of the pan and then putting it back in the pan and then putting all that in the oven and then taking it out and turning the oven down. Woosh! Who needs a drink?
9. "Stir in the wine." About time! Now I can really get behind French cuisine that calls for 3 cups of wine, which leaves some left over for you know who. Yeah, me.
10. So you stir all this stuff in and then put it in the oven for 2 to 3 hours. Okay! Finally, a break! I can sit and drink my "leftover wine" and do something else for a few minutes. What? There are two other recipes embedded in this recipe? Fuck!
11. Brown-braised onions: I'm not sure who invented these tiny little onions that need to be skinned and treated as if they, too, deserve a day at the spa (hot tubbing in beef stock & herbs which have to be wrapped in tiny blankets, i.e. cheesecloth), but I'm pretty sure it was the devil.  By the way, this is one of those whole other recipes embedded in this recipe, but you don't know it until you are halfway down the page.
12. Sauteed mushrooms: yeah, that sounds easy, but first you have to clean them, and then they, too, need to be treated with kid gloves, which means you can't "crowd" them in the pan, or else then they feel like they are on the subway in Paris and then, you know, they get mad. 
13. Okay, here's the fun part: "pour the contents of the casserole into a sieve set over a saucepan. Wash out the casserole and return the beef and bacon to it." In layman's terms what this means is that you dump the entire contents of the casserole (beef, bacon, carrots, onions, sauce) out, and then, in my terms, paw through the mushy carrots and onions to find the bits of beef and bacon (gold!). Try not to burn your hands. Don't swear, the kids will hear. Don't put your finger in your mouth (gross!), but get every bit of beef. Did you?
14. Also, who washes a pan and then puts the shit back in there? I wiped the gross bits off the top and then put the meat back in. Julia Child must have had a maid to do that part.
15. Then there's this whole bit about skimming fat off the top, which I did, for awhile, and then I was like, Done! And I just poured the sauce over the meat and put the top on.
16. Then I looked at the clock and I was all, when is wine club? Because I need a drink of wine, stat.
17. I told my wine compatriots not to tell me if it wasn't the most delicious thing ever. And they didn't.
18. (Actually, it was damn good. Julia sure knows her shit, but I'm not sure I'll be delving into that experience again soon.)

The Beauty of Getting Older

...is that you appreciate things so much more.
Such as:

• my amazing husband (who else would have married me?)
• friends you have known for a long time
• friends with whom you have many things in common
• the laughter of Son (and his sense of humor in general)
• delicious drinks, like Jack Frost, The Metropolitan, and White Sangria
• the amazing shoulders of Dwight Howard, seriously, check this dude out
• friends who will take your crazy son for the night so you can, briefly, pretend to be an Adult
• being so much stronger this year than last
• being able to afford to go out for fancy drinks & a fancy dinner (at least a few times a year)
• wine
• mountains
• my very expensive Victoria's Secret bra (I saw a dude checking me out at the game last night. It's so the bra!)

Christmas Stats

Here is some of what we did over the last few days:

• Last minute Christmas Gifts purchased: three (all for MB, all purchased on Christmas Eve!)
• Cookies baked: four (peanut butter cornflake chocolate bars, seven layer bars, peanut butter kiss cookies, sugar cookies)
• Other baking: cranberry maple cake for Christmas breakfast
• Meals cooked: One (Christmas, Caesar salad, baked potatoes, steaks on the grill, easy!)
• Other cooking: Spanish style shrimp, which included three parts, making the garlic oil, making garlic chips, then finally cooking the shrimp.
  
• Tamales consumed: um...four? five? we ate some the 23rd, the 24th, etc etc etc. We still have some left and will be eating them for dinner tonight.
• Bottles of wine polished off: please don't make me divulge this number!
  
• Christmas movies watched: Three (Christmas Carol, the George C. Scott one; It's A Wonderful Life; A Christmas Story)
• Presents Opened: A gajilion? All for Son, of course, who got the haul which included a Lego Star Wars ship from Santa, a spirograph, a puzzle, two games, a Rubik's cube, numerous art supplies including a sketching kit and some painting canvases, a spyology book, night vision goggles, and some Wimpy Kid books. I got him some shirts and a sweater and an orange for his stocking!
• Gifts given: I got MB the NBA socks he so wanted, also two sweaters and The Best of Ogden Nash and a moleskin notebook. He also received a Godzilla action figure from Son, but I'll let him report on that. I gave my sister a bunch of movies, and my mom a book she wanted. That's all. Oh, and various gifts for the neices and nephew.
• Gifts received: a great exercise shirt and sweater from MB, also the London moleskin, complete with maps, etc, a book from Son. My mother got me a coat and crocheted a scarf to match. Cute! Lip stuff, Luna bars, cocktail napkins.
• Books read: one, The Subtle Knife. Now I'm on to The Amber Spyglass. I need to finish this series before school starts again!
• Trips out of the house: in the last two days? None! Which is why I need to get off my fat (cookie) ass and at least go for a walk. I don't want to drive anywhere, even though the hardworking civil servants are plowing and salting, even as I write this.
  
• Further festivities: a dinner with Jason's retauntuer friend, a dinner with Otterbutt and Sylvia. Then maybe I can stop drinking for a month. Or at least a week.

Merry Christmas to all! I wish you a fabulous 2009. I hope I get to see you all real soon!!

Birthday Report

I had a lovely birthday, thanks for asking!
I swam in the morning, did some shopping with MB, had a delicious (delicious!) vegetarian lunch (a cashew coconut curry with portabellos and other grilled veggies and brown rice. so! good!), and then went to see "Happy-Go-Lucky" with friends.
First, I love Mike Leigh. I've loved everything he's done except "Naked," which I hated. I loved "HGL" because of its spirit, or what one reviewer called its "invitation to find joy and grace in everyday moments." One reviewer called its pace "leisurely" and I have to agree. But I quite enjoyed the way the movie meandered through Poppy's life and I really, really loved the scene with the Flamenco teacher, which was sad and hilarious at the same time. I heard Leigh on NPR ("On Point") a few weeks ago, and one of the callers made the point that the movie was about teachers (Poppy teaches grade school, she has the Flamenco teacher and a driving instructor), and it is, but it is also about world views. My companions wondered aloud whether they loved Poppy or wanted to kick her in the teeth, but I definitely loved her. I think it's because, as the movie progresses, I came to see the ways in which she is open to the joy around her, but it's not because she ignores the pain, but rather that she tries to understand it, or temper it. I highly recommend this film. It was a great birthday film!
We had a pretty regular dinner, and the wine I've been wanting to try, Sofia (Coppola), which is a sparkling white wine. On the label it says "coming of age, bestowing of presence, petulant, revolutionary, reactionary, poetic, sparkling, ebullient, effervescent, fragrant, cold, cool" which I think describes the wine and/or the woman it takes its name from but which I hope also describes me. I didn't notice the words when I bought it, but it seemed appropriate when I finally read them. In any case, we loved the wine, more than champagne, and will be drinking it again soon!
A friend came over and brought cupcakes, which I think are the best thing ever. They are small, we each had one, and then no leftovers to consume. We chatted with her, then put Son to bed, and then we watched "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" because it's what we had. MB and I loved it, with no reservations. It had some cringe worthy moments, and we laughed out loud, a lot. As far as I could tell, there was nothing, nothing wrong with that movie. I loved that it featured male nudity but very little female nudity.
So all in all, a great birthday. I go to Vegas tonight, which I am really looking forward to.

Instructions for a Saturday

1. Sleep in. With a 7-year-old, this means about 8. Ish.
2. Make coffee. Very important.
3. Make banana muffins.
4. While the muffins bake, grade a few papers. Let's say 2.
5. Eat a muffin and drink coffee. Participate in the festivities/argument going on in the living room about Son's inability to name any state and its capitol.
6. Take the on-line state location quiz. Get a respectable 80%. Ignore husband when he lords his 100% over you.
7. Take an on-line quiz about European capitols. Get stumped on San Marino, which, it turns out, is the capitol of San Marino, a practically non-existent little dot within Italy.
   
8. Grade a few more papers. One? Two?
9. Fight with son.
10. Stomp around the house while getting ready to take dog for a hike in off-leash canyon. Guilt son and husband into going with you, even though neither likes hiking or the outdoors. Not even a little.
11. Hike. Watch dog run about 20 times the distance covered by the humans.
12. Go out to lunch with family. Sit in the sun. Gorge yourself. Reminisce about the pickles of your youth.
13. Guilt husband into getting a new drum of propane by saying it seems like a "guy job."
14. Roast peppers from last week's farmers' market.
15. While peppers are roasting, read "The Awakening" for your lit class. Ahh! Multitasking!
    
16. Make delicious Chile Verde from Otterbutt's husband's recipe.
17. While it's simmering, grade a few more papers. Two. Three.
    
18. Taste the Chile Verde. Damn! That's hot. So. Hot.
19. Open the wine.
20. Grade another paper.
21. Call and sign up for tennis tomorrow.
    
22. Cut up some carrots. Eat carrots.
23. Read The Story of Edgar Sawtelle while waiting for husband and son to get back from movie.
24. Drink wine.
    
25. Add sexy, bald writer of Edgar Sawtelle to your Sexy Bald Men list.
    
26. Sit on couch, blog, think about making dinner, drink more wine.
27. Watch something on TV, then go to bed. Plan on that. Allow for surprise.
    

It's Hard Out Here For A Mom (For A Mom)

Okay. This is not a pity party.
But.
I had a hard day. Two meetings. Two!! I recognize that some people spend their days in meetings but I didn't sign up for that life and you damn well know that I don't have that salary.
But.
I love my kid. I do. You know I do. But the meeting I had to sit through because I care about the quality of education he receives and puts his little heart into....so. frustrating.
I almost, almost, said just screw it. I'll put him in a regular public school where I don't have to deal with this "whole child" speak. I mean, I want him to get the best education. But I almost feel as if I am punished for caring so much. I know I am. I mean, it's not cool to care, right?
I also feel bad for wanting so much for so little. I know the teachers don't get paid enough. I know it! I'm willing to pay more. But unfortunately my willingness to pay more gets divided by all the people who (in this state) procreate beyond their means and then want us (those of us who only have one child) to pay more for the same education. Okay. I'm willing to accept that. But. But!!
I'm willing to work for what I want. Put in the hours. Do the overtime.
But. But!!
I have different goals. The teachers have some goals and the parents have others. And never the twain shall meet. (that's a bad, no terrible literary reference. I'm embarrassed to admit.)
What is good for this?
Well. To start: red curry and masaman curry. And beer. And then a bottle of wine.
And then American Idol. And then some chocolate.
Then "Lipstick Jungle."
What is most redeeming for me about this trashy, 40-something drama? I can be candid and admit that I love Nico's affair with a young man and the way he wants her. Also, hello!, Brooke Shields has arms like I don't know and I love her!!
Enough said. Over and out.
*I had to edit out the F word. I re-read it this morning. Must remember: don't blog at night while upset after drinking too much wine!!

AWP: the numbers

Literary luminaries spotted: 4 (not at panels or readings: Robert Bly, Charles Baxter, Howard Norman, David Kirby)
Bad readings attended: 2
Martinis consumed: 1 (the most expensive!! martini ever, $15)
Amazing meals consumed: 2 (Union Square Cafe, Balthazar)
Delicious soups consumed: 1 (Curry Cauliflower and Chickpea, very spicy!)
Shopping trips: 2 (both to H & M)
Items purchased: 6 (two shirts, one sweater, jacket, purse, nightgown)
Movies watched: 2 (27 Dresses, Michael Clayton)
Souvenirs purchased: 2 (I heart NY shirt & 3-D drawing pad for Son)
Souvenirs not-purchased: ?? (shot glass, snow globe, MOMA paraphernalia)
Bagels consumed: 2 (one from hotel lobby, not good; one from Dean & Deluca, delicious)
Muffins consumed: 1 (hazelnut cappuccino from D & D)
Beer consumed: 1 (Stella at a pub)
Wine consumed: Without number (including more than 1 $12 "red" from hotel bar), half-bottle at dinner with friends, bottle at dinner with friends. I guess that's it.
Walks through Central Park: 1
Magazines read: 5 (Two People magazines, one Marie Claire, One Allure, one Men's Vogue)
Episodes of "Law and Order" watched on plane home: 2

And Finally....Some Good News!

In addition to being my last day of composition teaching this semester (hooray! hooray! F**ing hooray!), I received some very, very, VERY good news today. My manuscript is at the publisher's, and the much anticipated, very delayed letter has been typed up. AND my manuscript actually went to first readers two weeks ago. I am so very, very, VERY relieved. I think I already celebrated last night, before I knew, with a few glasses of wine (Tuesdays can be hard!) and a few episodes of "Weeds." (The verdict: already addicted, already in love with M.L.P.)
So, I can breathe a huge sigh of relief. And then get grading so I can actually celebrate next week when I am done with everything and I turn 29. Again.

Pie and....More Pie

Pie minus six minutes and counting....
I am awaiting my colleagues and their various significant others and, most importantly, the pie they have chosen to bring to the first of what I hope will be an annual Pie Party.
I made apple. It looks pretty nice if I do say so myself. I took Hightouch and Lis's advice and made the crust with butter. I think it went okay. I'll let them decide.
On the menu: chocolate and pecan, pumpkin cheesecake, pumpkin pie, apple, rhubarb? and perhaps other various unknown pies.
Also: Bailey's, and enough wine for many, many more people than are actually expected. We have to have some left over for Thanksgiving!
I'll post some pics and reviews.