Sunday, May 30, 2010

My (3) Days of Single Motherhood

Well, Middlebrow went off to his fancy conference to eat and drink and be merry, leaving me to keep Son alive and make sure Gus the Dog doesn't eat more than his share of plastic ware.
So far, okay. According to Son, Dad lets him have unlimited soda and chocolate when I'm gone. My goal has been to allow him only one sugar snack per day. So far: I have failed. Yesterday, he had ice cream, then we had chocolate, and finally dessert at a party. Today our neighbor gave us doughnuts, then we had soda at the movie, and shared some M&Ms. Oye vey!
But so far my overwhelming feeling has been one of lessened expectations. I'm sure if I actually were a single mother, I'd just have to get used to the fact that my time was limited and adjust my schedule accordingly. But given that I'm only on my own for three days, I've used it as an excuse to just be okay doing nothing. "Nothing" in this scenario means nothing productive for myself or house related.
However, I have taken the dog to the park twice for a nice catch. Son & I went out for a relatively healthy dinner. Then I read.
It's nice to have a leisurely evening where I don't feel like I have to do anything, but maybe have a beer or read or something. And make sure Son takes a shower every few days and eats at least one or two vegetables along with his RDA of sugar.
Also, the second thing I've learned in my faux Single Motherhood is that I just have to do stuff. Truthfully, I let many chores fall to Middlebrow (as he does with me, see: cooking, laundry, etc.). But when he's gone, I say to myself, well, I guess I'm just going to have to do that. And then I do. Sometimes.
We'll see if I follow through and actually mow the lawn tomorrow. I think I can, I think I can...

Thursday, May 27, 2010

My Shoulder Has A Message for Me

I got a massage yesterday from a kick ass Crossfit massage woman. She also does energy work (shh! Don't tell Middlebrow, the skeptic!). 
So when she worked her way over to my left shoulder she said, "Your shoulder has an attitude." Yeah, uh, tell me something I don't know! This is the shoulder that I injured in college (produce department injury) and which recently (January-March) prevented me from lifting heavy weight overhead, doing pull ups or push ups. 
Then she said, "Your shoulder has a message for you."
Here is what my shoulder wanted to say. Apparently these are the negative attitudes my shoulder has been holding on to:
  • blaming circumstance for what I am
  • feeling that life has been hard on me
  • pessimistic beliefs about my life
  • feeling martyred and bitter
  • lacking insight into myself and my workings
  • having no self-esteem
  • liver and gall-bladder problems
I accept the challenge to:
  • take responsibility for myself and my actions
  • create a positive reality for myself
  • know that I am growing with every experience
  • be able to help others through my own learning
  • empower myself through self-responsibility
So obviously my shoulder and I need to communicate more. We have some things to work out this summer. 

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

If This is Summer, I Must be Happy

What is going on? Absolutely nothing!
My daily schedule includes cooking meat (three kinds today, oh wait, make that 4), eating, working out (two times), trying to submit writing (on-line) and only submitting two things before deciding that it's hard and time consuming, culling through books and dividing them into piles: give away, home office, school office and What book is this? Who brought this into the house?
Also: cleaning the tub (isn't that someone else's job?), worrying (definitely my job) and trying not to obsess (about selling the house, not writing, running).
I somewhat successfully freed my run by running without music or a watch. I had a sort of route which went to a friend's place of work (running store) and back in a kind of loop that I thought was probably about 3 miles. It was more and I know this because though I "freed" my run from accessories I can't not know what I ran even if I don't know how long it took me. So I mapped it. But it was mostly free from obsession, so that's good.
As I was trying to submit stuff on-line I thought: who will even read it, even if one of these places takes it? It was my stab at not caring, because I forget to submit stuff. I don't think I've submitted stuff since the fall.
But it's sunny! Welcome summer! Please stay for more than one day!