Goodness!

See how the exclamation point changes everything?
It does.

Remember when I said I was going to blog more? So how's that going?

Well, in the interest of self-preservation, I need to decide not to feel bad about doing things I don't necessarily "have" to do, and yet want to do.
Except also I read other people's blogs and they are entertaining, and my last few posts have been rather self-serving (and this one also?).

But, let's talk GOODNESS: I like rain, and also I like coffee, tea, and wine. I take my dog Gus for a walk, and that's a good thing I do for some being other than myself. I also make food and make sure the house doesn't implode and also laundry.

So, there's that.

I will now walk the dog so that I may feel good/about myself. Also Gus will feel good.

Farewell.

Goodness

I don't have much to say today. Wednesdays are exhausting like that.
I am thinking about the nature of goodness, whether we are, by nature, good, or whether it is only through good acts we can become good.
I don't mean doing something well, being good at something.
I mean doing good. Doing something good for someone just because.

Today I made Son lunch, but then I regretted it, because while he was standing around watching me scramble to get out the door he asked, "What have you been doing for the past 20 minutes?" And then I wish I hadn't made his sandwich and instead had just sat drinking coffee.
So if you regret doing something nice, does it negate the nice thing?
Possibly.

I got to see many friends today and talk to them, and that is always good.
I wish I could say I did something else nice for someone, but I don't think I did.
WAIT...I thought of one!

A student came in and she was almost in tears over her latest writing assignment, which was a summary. I read her draft it was pretty good. Sure, it could use work, but it was good. And she was asking if she should drop the class and take it later because it is so hard for her.
So after I read it, I told her it was good and what she needed to work on was believing she could do it, because she can.
So I think I helped her feel better about her writing, and I hope also about herself, as a writer. Maybe this doesn't qualify as doing good, because it is my job, but I did feel like I made a positive step with that student.
And Monday I saw a former student who I encouraged to apply to the Honors program and the U. She thanked me for the email I sent her, and she said it made her feel good that I believed in her. (Her parents are not supportive of her educational plans).
Okay, so that's two things for the week.
I'm not going to meditate tonight (a good thing for me) because I am so bleeping tired. I am going to drink water (good!) and go to sleep (sleep is good!).

Back from the Dead (does that make me a zombie?)

Hello blogging friends. If you still exist. Which I know you do, just maybe not here.
The world, such as it is, has got me down. My birthday is coming up (in 3 months) so I decided to do 3 months of good things. And maybe also to give up that other social media thing that is not, in my opinion, GOOD.
So.
I will try to post every day, but if not, at least every other day. And I will talk about the good things I am doing, because I will do something GOOD every day.
What do I mean by GOOD?
That makes me feel good and hopefully is also good.
I have a few goals.

1. To connect positively with my Son, age 13. This is harder than it seems, but so far has consisted of me asking him open-ended questions and also trying to hug him (harder than it seems!). I will let him teach me a game. I'm also going to take him out for a treat drink and reading in a cafe.
2. To do "exercise" that makes me feel good about myself rather than feel like a bag full of garbage left out in the rain.
3. To drink less.
4. To walk more.
5. To volunteer. With Son? I hope.
6. To get outside as often as possible, weather be damned!
7. To get together with friends more often, for movies, or coffee or walks or yoga or whatever.
8. To do yoga consistently.
9. To meditate.
10. To be grateful every day.

Walter Mitty: some thoughts

1. Just when you think Sean Penn can't get sexier...BAM! (that "BAM!" should be in 3-D and it would smell like wood smoke and musk and be soft flannel jeans and eyes like a volcano and it would be purple blue and so so loud).
2. Ben Stiller is also adorable. Those eyes. Hello!
3. Could Kristen Wiig be any cuter? (trick question...NO!)
4. What is the deal with people thinking that a movie is a short story? IT IS NOT. It is something different, which is why a short story written in 1939 (1939 people!!) is not a 2013 movie. See? Two things are not one thing.
5. The soundtrack. Go right now and listen to it. JUST DO IT!
6. While these thoughts may seem a bit bossy, they are really just thoughts. Back to the thoughts.
7. I'm blogging because yesterday I read a bunch of my blog posts from 2008 and they made me sad. SAD.
8. Time passes.
9. I must now add Greenland to the list of places where I want to go, which already included Iceland, so now I'm all like Iceland already!!
10. Low expectations + matinee + friends = joy
11. I don't want to ruin any of it for you if you haven't seen it, so I think you should just see it. But that's just a suggestion, you know, if you want to.
12. If you haven't heard Jack Johnson do The Pina Colada song, you should. 

Writing on Writing: More Writing!

I have been inspired by Hightouch to try to blog...at least a little bit.....
But, alas, what to say?
Firstly I have to say that this semester is a motherfucker. (Pardon my swearing! I like to swear!). What is the nature of this M-Fness? Hard to say.
Mother Fucker Nature, let me list you:

1. Teaching a New Class: This is not as hard as it sounds, but harder than it should be. For some reason, I have these little over achievers submitting writing to me constantly. CON-STANT-fucking-LY. Whose idea was this? Mine, apparently.
2. Working on Committees. If there is a BANE to any existence it is the creation and subsequent meeting of this and or that committee. One may actually love some of their compatriots on this committee but that does nothing to dull the mind-numbingness of just the sheer fucking actuality of BEING on a committee. Enough said.
3. Writing. Am I writing? Hells no. But I have forced myself to write for fifteen minutes each night for say the last week. So I have done _some_ writing. (If I could make the font of the word "writing" smaller so as to indicate how little I do, I would). 
4. Anxiety. This, friends, is the hobgoblin of little minds. Namely, mine. I worry the shit out of everything. This, however, does not prevent me from watching more TV than is perhaps advisable, and, somehow I manage NOT to worry while actually watching TV (and maybe drinking wine, I won't lie...) but watching TV does not make the anxiety go away. It just distracts it for a bit. What is this anxiety about? Not working on my novel. But, hey, whatever.
5. TV: I watch some/bit/a lot of TV. To wit: Brooklyn 99 (Andy Samberg, what what?); New Girl (not as good as it used to be, but Schmidt! He does Crossfit!); The Mindy Project (um, hello?? hilarious, also Morgan!); Modern Family (tight suit!); Parks and Rec (please don't talk to me about the small number of episodes before I have to wait until January....); Continuum (netflix). I think that's it....

And so, friends, my fifteen minutes comes to a close. If you want to know what else I am up to, re: thinking, I will just say sonnets, earthquakes, Pangaea. You're going to have to do the rest of the work yourself. 

(Did I mention my neck is fucked up? My neck is fucked up! Tomorrow: massage!!)

Salt Lake City: A Photo Essay

My Bookshelves

Awhile ago, Hightouchmegastore posted this to her blog. A little something about her bookshelves, which made me want to do it, and now, finally, I'm gettin to it. So, it only takes me a long time, it turns out, to get around to stuff. Because I have a lot of stuff going on, okay? Don't be like that.

So here is an assortment from my library. What I'm reading and what not.

Mr. Palomar by Italo Calvino

I borrowed this book from a friend because I read two of these shorts in a creative writing textbook and I loved them. I have been reading this book very slowly, and enjoying it. Apparently it has a structure to it, each little chapter, such as "Mr. Palomar does the shopping," has three parts which are visual, cultural, and speculative. But you don't need to know that. Some of the sections are better than others, but they are all slightly strange and alienating and also beautiful.




Spectacle by Susan Steinberg

I bought this book at AWP at the Graywolf table. I have read and liked Steinberg's stories before. I do like this collection/linked stories/novel. The writing is interesting and has all the hallmarks of her other work: a disjointed narrative, focus on female experience, possibly disturbing events, theorizing on the meaning of things. Some of them are clever, or meant to be clever (based on their titles, like "Signifier"). But, as with her story collections, I feel like most of the stories hit the same note. But, I'm going to finish it.



This is How You Lose Her by Junot Diaz

I just bought this book today. I'm reading it for one of my book clubs, so I want everyone to know I bought it and Yes, I'm going to read it.








The All of It by Jeannette Haien

I am supposed to read this for my other book club, which doesn't meet until May, so that shouldn't be a challenge because the book is only 145 pages. I include it here because it is one of those books I have known about for almost 15 years and have just never read, for whatever reason. So I look forward to reading a very short book.






As you probably assume, my house is filled with hundreds more books that I have not yet read, but plan to. I will do my best to keep  you updated on those.

AWP redux: Boston!

I have (very) recently returned from Boston, the land of snow & chowdah. & lobstah & some writers.
First let me say that I did not sleep either very much or very well, so my disposition on returning home is cloudy (inside the head). But, I am glad to be home and I am also glad I went.

1. Number of meals/etc. with Nikwalk: 3-ish? One might have been drinks that bled into dinner, so maybe I could count that as two? Whatever the answer, it was awesome!! But I could've handled more. 
2. Stuff learned: some. I got some good ideas for my novel writing class and I learned some things about Book Arts, which is relevant to the Publication Class I'm teaching now. The other panels were sort of blah ho hum.
3. Number of readings attended: Three. It seems like more. Don DeLillo. He is awesome. As Lisa B. said, he is like someone's old Italian grandfather. He seems like a reclusive curmudgeon with a dry sense of humor. I could have listened to him talk for hours. The person he "conversed" with was interesting, but I found her fiction too detailed. It reminded me of the Lynn Emanuel poem where she says she doesn't want to write fiction because she doesn't want to describe the carpet. I want to write fiction and also not describe the carpet
4. Best thing ever: Jeanette Winterson. I felt like I was at a TED talk. She walked around and read and took off her glasses and used interesting voices. She talked about how important art is, and I love that. Also she is petite and she seemed really friendly.
5. Best meal: I don't know. I'm too tired to think about it. I think I liked the tapas at Toro best, because you know I am a sucker for tapas.
6. Most overrated thing: Bone Marrow. What is that about? Sorry, Nik.
7. Best thing in life: sleep.
8. Best excursion: MFA. I love art! It made me remember that I need to be more involved with art at home. I got to see one of my favorite paintings, Millet's "The Sower." So I'm happy about that.
9. I have some good stories to tell, but you'll have to see me in person to hear those. 

My Dog: The Interview

Me: Gus, why are you neurotic?
Gus: (staring intently into my eyes) Bark!

Me: But I took you to the park? Remember? Snow? Birds?
Gus: (tilting his head from side to side as if listening to music in the distance) urwr?

Me: Why don't you lay down and stop pacing the living room?
Gus: (appears not to understand the question)

Gus: Bark! bark! Bark!
Me: But I already fed you and took you outside.

Me: Gus, what is it you want?
Gus: (responds by backing into the space between my knee and the couch)

Me: Gus, could you kindly relax?
Gus: (takes the opportunity to leave the room)

I have learned much from Gus, the German Shorthaired Pointer, but not the answer to any of my very practical questions. Except, the question What do you like? the answer to which is Everything that fits in my mouth.

Sick Sickness, The Sick Edition

So, as many of you know from the FB-verse, I have been sick for some, if not all, of 2013. Much of this illness covers that last week or so, and some of it covers whole swathes of January, but never mind. I am not here to praise sickness, but to bury it under a list of things I have done, so that I can feel that, indeed, Sickness, you have not buried me under a mountain of used Kleenex and cough drop wrappers. No, I will rise again!! (sniffle, sniffle, cough!)

1. Watched "Pitch Perfect"! Finally! Why didn't everyone beat me with their fists and plead with me, nay, beg me to watch this the minute it was released, and then again and again? Because it really was *that good*. And I say this even while wondering (if by wondering you mean beating one's chest and looking skyward) why, oh why, do funny movies have to have disgusting bodily function scenes. Can anyone tell me why?
2. Tried different medicines. I want to know, for example, if the liquid green Nyquil (which tastes like Jagermeister and burns) is better, in terms of healing function, than the Sinex capsules which are also an eerie nuclear green, but have no taste, but almost get stuck in my throat. Do I know? I do not, really, except that maybe, maybe the capsules give you less of an "I just drank a bunch of Jagermeister" dry mouth effect. Also, there are these daytime Tylenol cold pills which are minty (why? I'm just going to swallow them. I don't need minty in my esophagus) and they seem to work, but they also make me feel like someone just poured plastic into my sinuses. That is, they work, but do they work by just stopping all sinus functions which will just come back fourfold when they wear off? These are the questions I need answers to.
3. Drank a Mexican coke. I don't have to explain this one, do I?
4. Ate some soft chicken tacos. Hightouchmegastore made me.
5. Drank too much wine. This has nothing to do with anything, per se, but I was starting to feel sick again (a sore throat) and I had already invited people over, and what to do? So I told myself I wouldn't drink too much and then I did, and then what happened? (See #s 3 & 4).
6. Drank a shit ton of tea. I have to say, that I'm a little sick of tea. Which is why I drank coffee today. Sometimes you has to do that.
7. Blew my nose like 8.3 million times. Bought more kleenex. Blew my nose. You see where this is going.
8. Had an idea for, and then wrote an essay. I think under 1,000 words is my sweet spot and by that I mean attention span. Also, the way I write works that way and when I try to make it longer...let's just say Silly Putty.
9. Did not work on some grant applications. That is for suckers and people whose heads are not stuffed with cotton and Nyquil.
10. Deleted a shit ton of email. Why, dear readers, do I not just delete it when it arrives so I don't have to go back and delete it later? Why??
11. Read almost nothing. When sick, even reading seems like too much damn work. I want someone to come and put the words in my brain while I lay here with my eyes closed.
12. Did no prep work. See, I had this great idea at the beginning of the semester and I made a schedule for the first 5 weeks of the semester, and, you see, the first five weeks are rapidly drawing to a close and, my friends, what will I do??
13. Spent a shit ton of time on-line. It has not made me smarter, friends, it has not.
14. Bought my husband a sandwich. He can't say I didn't help.
15. I may have to go out and get chicken pot pie for dinner. I just might.

Results of my Whole36

Well, the Paleo Challenge is over. For those of you who don't know what that is, you can read all about it over at Whole9. Basically, it was to eat only REAL foods for 30 days. Real meaning not processed. So I lived on meat, veggies, fruit, and some nuts. I also gave up caffeine!
What, you may ask, happened in these 30 days? First, let me just tell you, that it was actually 36 days!! I started on January 1, but the folks at my gym didn't start until January 7, so I kept on with them until they were done.
First, a photo collage.

I'm pretty proud of myself for making this collage! Well, also for sticking with this eating plan for 36 days of no sugar and no alcohol! In the photo above, the before pictures are on the left, the after pics are on the right (except for the bottom row, where they only before picture is number three).
Let me preface the story of my 36 days by explaining where I was at before. I would say I was mostly healthy, but I had let some bad habits take control of me. Mostly I mean drinking alcohol almost every night and not sleeping as well or as much as I should. I remember a few times drinking wine and thinking that I really didn't want it, but oh well, there it was in the glass and I should just finish it. I feel like my eating (sugar, wheat, dairy) had gotten out of control between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Every day was a party! By the time Christmas was over I had a nice little roll of fat on my belly.
Another thing I should say is that I have been doing Crossfit for almost four years, so I felt like I knew a lot about health and nutrition. I felt like I understood the Paleo diet, that I followed it pretty well, if not consistently. I'm not a huge dessert addict nor an emotional eater. That's where I was, mentally, at the beginning of the Whole 30. I weighed 160 pounds, which is about 5 more than I feel comfortable weighing. I knew I had a lot of fat on my body that I could lose.
I have to say that when I got up on the morning of January 1, it was not that hard to drink tea instead of coffee. I didn't get a headache and I didn't feel cranky. I had decided to give up caffeine because I am hypoglycemic and I wanted to see how my blood sugar did without coffee. I also tried not to eat fruit at breakfast (because of the effect the sugar might have on my blood sugar). The effects were immediate. That night I slept the best I have slept since my son was born (almost 12 years ago!). I continued to sleep (and nap! unheard of!) very well throughout the month. I slept well every night!
Other than sleep, the first two weeks were hard. I did a pretty good job of preparing food for the week, packing my lunch and planning ahead. The mental part was hard for me. No snacking?!? As a hypoglycemic, I am pretty used to eating snacks every 2 hours. I stuck pretty much with a few nuts and sometimes some raisins. But after awhile, even the snacking pretty much fell away (but wasn't eliminated entirely).
One of the hardest things for me was the mental game. Mentally, I wasn't sure how to think about what I was doing or what I was going to do when the 30 days were up. What is food? Why can't I just eat and forget about it?
That's when I got an email from the library saying a copy of It Starts With Food was being held for me. I began reading it that night. Much of it was familiar. I have attended one Whole9 seminar and had been on other challenges (though none as strict as this one). But when I got to the chapter on Food & Psychology,  I felt I really learned a lot. I've never been an emotional eater, but I definitely saw my habits in a new light after that chapter. Why do I eat what I eat? Why do I think I need a glass of wine every night? I dedicated myself to developing some new habits. Now, when I watch TV (which I try to do less of), I drink tea.
Around week 3, I didn't feel like I was really making any progress. I couldn't see any results in my body and I had been sick, off and on, so I wasn't making it to the gym as much as I wanted. Add to that the terrible air quality, and I just didn't feel awesome the way I wanted to.
I had to go to the doctor and I couldn't eat for a whole day at the end of that week. Of course they weighed me at the doctor's office and I couldn't believe it. According to them, I had lost 10 pounds. How could I not see that?
My only excuse is that I have in my head an image of myself that doesn't always match reality. So that was a good reality check for me.
Week four felt very good to me. I tried to reintroduce decaf coffee after day 30, but I couldn't sleep that night. I'm not sure if it was the decaf, but I'm going to experiment with different kinds of decaf and different brewing methods to see if I can have some coffee, at least one or two days a week. I miss my coffee!! I love the smell!
Last Friday, we had an event for Utah Women Crossfitters. We did a WOD and I have to say that the rowing and the pull ups felt easier than they ever have. So that's a bonus!
Now that I'm done, I'm excited to try to integrate some foods (okay, I mean wine) back into my diet. But I have lost so much fat that I don't want it to come back! I am going to avoid gluten and grains and dairy and sugar. If I want treats, I will make myself Paleo treats. And I'm always on the hunt for Paleo friendly chocolate.
The thing I want most right now is a Paleo brownie and a cup of coffee. So I'll be making Paleo brownies on Thursday.
I want to be able to eat out and socialize with friends, hang out, have a glass of wine, but not over do it. I want to maintain the health I've found now. I don't want to go back to my old habits, of doing something not because I want to, but just because it's a habit.
I also want to help my family to be healthier, without becoming a lecturer. That's hard.
So that's it, folks. That's my Whole36.

Tag! I'm it!

My friend and fellow writer, Mystery Girl, tagged me to take part in The Next Big Thing Blog Hop. So, without further ado, here are my answers to the questions posed.

1. What is your working title of your book (or story)?

I first called it Mole People, because it's about people living underground, but my Son was very sad that it wasn't actually about talking moles. I still call it Mole People, but that's only a working title. I imagine the real title will have the word "dark" in it. 

2. Where did the idea come from for the book?

I was teaching a novel writing class at SLCC and I made all the students pitch their books on the last night. There were so many dystopia books that students took to saying (in a fake, movie trailer voice) "In a post-apocalyptic world...." before giving their pitch. The phrase took hold and I wanted to write something. I'm not sure where the whole idea came from. I probably stole it. 

3. What genre does your book fall under?

Definitely young adult dystopia. 

4. Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?

Ack! I'm sure by the time I finish the book all of the people I choose will be too old. But, that said, Chloe Moretz would make a great Sarah (main character). I could see Logan Lerman as Jonas (male lead). 

5. What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?

The Dark Something (ha!) follows storyteller Sarah as the secluded religious community she has grown up in searches for the Final Prophet who will lead them into the light. 

6. Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

I will probably look for an agent. 

7. How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?

Off and on (mostly off) for four years. Seriously for the last year. 

8. What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?

It is most influenced by the novel Oyster, which is not a YA book at all. I don't know of any religious community dystopias but I am sure they are out there.

9. Who or what inspired you to write this book?

Students mostly. I also wanted to write something that would be more straightforward (chronological) than the other novels I've tried to write, so I set out to write a book with a more traditional trajectory.

10. What else about your book might pique the reader's interest?

The book switches between the perspectives of Sarah, the storyteller, and Jonas, a boy she meets in her journey. It also quotes extensively from the (made up) book of their origins, The Book of Earth. 

So now I'm supposed to tag  people to participate next week, so I tag Hightouchmegastore (I can't wait to see who she would cast to star in her poems!), Ann Cannon, Nikwalk, and The World's Strongest Librarian. I can't wait to see what they are all working on! 

Scone-ology

It's a thing now, the study of scones. Or the theory of scones, which one must have if one is to 1) make scones 2) make other things, and (most importantly, but don't tell the scones) 3) survive baking season.

I was telling someone, someone who also likes to make scones and apparently makes them every weekend, about my difficulty making scones, and she totally misunderstood (maybe I was drunk, I don't know) but she said the answer is the pastry cutter and I needed a pastry cutter, and so I politely agreed because she just didn't understand, and what's the point?

But now, friends, I will attempt to explain to you what I could not explain to her: it's not the butter! The butter, cut into small cubes and refrozen for an appropriate amount of time, the butter you simply dump into the food processor and do the pulsing thing, and then wala, you have the base of the dough, but NO, the problem, friends, is the cream. The cream!

Now, I don't want to say the cream is problematic as if this were a character flaw on the part of cream, because cream is lovely, right? It's soft and delicate and blameless. No, the problem, as it were, is that the cream doesn't really want to make friends with the dough.

The recipe I follow says to make a little mound of the dough and then make a divot in it and then pour the cream and then cupping your hands like tiny shovels, lightly move the dough into the trough of cream and do this without screaming obscenities and don't mix it too much or else it gets gummy and then somehow (the recipe doesn't say how) get it all to stick together (but barely, barely!) and then make it into a circle and then, quick, before one portion cedes, cut them into triangles and get them into the oven where the still slightly frozen butter can work its magic.

Well. You can see my dilemma. The first two times I made scones I was perfectly happy to participate in the charade that cupping the hands and yadda yadda yadda would result in scone magic. But last time, this last time, I just said, you know what? Screw it. I'm just going to pour in enough cream until the dough just has no choice but to stick together because that's what dough does, and then I'm going to make it into a flat disc and I'm going to use the scone cutter that I bought and I'm going to cut circles and then I'm just going to bake them.
And you know what? They were still perfectly delicious and better than 99.99% of the scones I've ever consumed, ever, except the ones made by my friend at that bakery in Bellingham. So that's a win right? Scones 0, Me 1. I win!

But, also, and here's the important part: recipes exist for a reason. I need them. I do. Even when I've made something a million times I look at the recipe for reassurance, like checking in just to make nothing's changed since the last time, even though I know what I'm doing. I do. So what I've learned, my scone-ology, is that you need the recipe, yes. But if you are going to survive baking season, and baking in general, you have to go with the flow. Baking is about nothing if not the current context. Sometimes the temperature in the kitchen is greater or lesser. Sometimes you have hot hands. You just do. Sometimes the butter is better or worse.

But you know what? The scones always taste just fine. In fact, they taste delicious.

"Looper"

Whoa! That movie should come with a warning label. Such as, "Really violent! No, really! And there some children in this movie. You are NOT going to like what happens to them!"
But...but! In spite of that, I liked it quite a bit.
But, like any time travel movie, I left the theater with questions, QUESTIONS!?!
(My questions were not necessarily answered, but were confirmed, here.)
But anyway, you know how it is with time travel narratives, you're all like...how did he come back if....
That said, I did enjoy it.
HOWEVER, I was a little bit sad that Joseph Gordon Levitt did not look like JGL. They made his nose all weird so he would look like a young Bruce Willis, which I think was a mistake, but I guess it's easier to make someone look like they don't have cheekbones then to make them  look like they do.
Also, I did not know Emily Blunt was in it, and she was good.
Also, Jeff Daniels. Enough said.
So, yes, I'd say see it, unless you are my 11 year old son, and then I would say, maybe when you're 18.

Some Birthday Thoughts

Since it is my birthday, I thought I would include some Deep Thoughts here for your edification.

1. Birthdays are just another day. But on this day, I feel I set the tone for the coming year. I also feel this way about New Year's Day, so I try to do things I think will bode well for the next 365 days. So today, I worked out (good, right?) and then had breakfast (also good, yes?). With friends. I think this last part is key.
2. Surround yourself with happy people. (see above)
3. Set goals you can accomplish. Next year I want to be grateful, to be happy, to enjoy life and appreciate my friends. I also would like to be injury & pain free.
4. Try to see the good in the bad. I wasn't fond of 2012. But some good things happened. Right? I'm trying to think of them...instead of saying "I had to have surgery in July!" I say, "there were 11 months in 2012 in which I did not have to have surgery." Hurray!
5. My body is telling me not to do things that are bad for me anyway. I'm going to listen to my body.
6. But still, I'm going to enjoy life by partaking of wine, chocolate, etc in moderate amounts.
7. Do more yoga. (this is always a good idea)
8. Meditate, even if your meditation is to stare out the window into the distance (or the neighbor's house, whatever) and to contemplate your existence.
9. Be in this isness. A good friend of mine once said this, and I have been coming back to it lately as I try to lessen the stress in my life.
10. A corollary of number 9 is this gem: Lean into the pain. I saw this on a TED talk. I'm not even sure what the topic of the TED talk was. But I think of this when I am stressing out, or when I'm fighting with Son. Sometimes, the pain or stress comes from the resistance. If you relax, then sometimes the pain goes away. This is what I've found.

I hope these small thoughts help you as you navigate this (sometimes) difficult season. The point of holidays is not to buy stuff or to stress out, but to take a moment to appreciate what we have, and to enjoy the people in our lives. 

Consumption Log

Because HTMS said she would not be bored by learning what I have eaten....

• Rotisserie chicken (standing up in the kitchen, pulling meat off, feeding chicken skin to the Gus)
• Pear Martini (yes, it was that delicious)
• Roasted Apple Salad
• Coffee Spiced Beet Salad
• Pici with Duck Ragu & Wild Mushrooms (yes! It was that good!)
• Chocolate Lava Cake with Vanilla Gelato and Citrus Glaze (yum!)
• Scallops cooked with garlic in white wine and butter
• Caesar Salad
• Ahi Tuna
• Roasted Potatoes and Carrots
• Chocolate with Hazlenuts
• Vermont Maple Sausage
• Hashbrowns
• Scrambled Eggs

So, that's been my last few days.

Also: coffee. I can't believe it, but here I go: grading! 

Because I can't stand to disappoint...

HTMS
So Blogger won't let me link in the title, which is disappointing, to say the least.
Listen, HTMS, my only reader, my life is so boring, that I don't want to disappoint you either by not blogging or by blogging in such a boring way you wish, in fact, that I had not blogged.
So, to whit, to continue: This morning as I was reading Anna Karenina (is that pretentious? to announce to the world, hey! I'm reading this 817 page monolith?), I couldn't help but wonder if I could actually make it through the book what with the

1. Grading
2. Christmas decorating (tree. wreath? inside lights? plaques which proclaim family rules including admonitions to love more and to say please and thank you? Reindeer antlers for the dog? (yes!))
3. Planning of Christmas food & cookies & cocktails
4. Making of above
5. Movies? Movies!
6. Reading? I guess...
7. Planning of classes for next semester? (this is in desperate need of being done, but honestly, eww!)

 things I have to do and think about when I'm not doing...You understand.
In any case, it only took me, like, 4 days to do this, so maybe I can blog more this month, so as to fulfill one of your Christmas wishes.
My pleasure.

I have a blog?

So months pass, apparently, and I don't blog. Because I am busy.
But also, sometimes I get angry, and then I think about venting, but where? So, yeah...the blog.
This semester is harder than others, and I don't want this blog to be my personal journal so I'll just note a few things that make me crazy and (try to) move on.

1. Students who are so apathetic they can barely put together a (spoken) sentence. I'm not joking. I keep trying to tell this student to drop, but she keeps responding with "Yeah...I'll have to....yeah...I'll check the...." Seriously. I'm trying to help you, I want to scream, but she's....still...breathlessly... talking.....sort of.....
2. Disagreements which are stupid, basically, but which still make me angry, which makes me angry (don't even try to understand this one, but suffice it to say when people say things meant to make you angry, and then you get angry, and then other people wonder why you are angry, and then other people wonder say that disagreement is the same as shutting down the conversation....oh my!)
3. How the internet is a self-perpetuating machine. So I get angry, and then what do I do? I look for stupid videos to make me feel better....Oh, internet, you have eaten my brain.
4. Why is there no TV?
5. I need a drink.

In conclusion, I may not make it through this semester alive/sane/sober. 

New World Order

Today a new world order is being instated (is that the right word?). We are all up early. We have all left the house early (except for Son, who is doing something on his computer that he claims is "educational."). Some of us have come back to the house early after working out, again, early.
This new regime has come about because Husband (aka Middlebrow) has started a New Job. The New Job is the same place as the Old Job, but the New Job has what We (in this house) would call "Banker's Hours" meaning he has to be there early and he has to stay just as long as everyone else (I'm assuming this is 4:30 or 5, but we'll see).
What will this New World Order mean for Son and Dr. Write? Well, so far it means I have to workout very early, or when Son is doing some of his Summer Son things. It means I have to figure out what to do with Son during the class I teach. It means I will have to figure out how to get Son to be docile for at least an hour a day while I write. It means it will be very hard for me to have coffee dates and movie dates, except when Son is in camp.
It also means, apparently, that I will be asking Middlebrow to "pick things up on the way home." It may also mean that I have to keep the fridge well stocked with cold beer and that maybe I should teach Gus (the GSP) how to bring him his slippers, pipe, and smoking jacket when he appears at the front door after five saying, "Honey! I'm home!"
I hope it doesn't mean that I have to cook dinner 7 days a week. Middlebrow has perfected quite a few recipes and I don't want him to forget!
I hope it doesn't mean that I have to do all the laundry. (Wait! I already do!)
I hope it doesn't mean that I will have to figure out how to do anything gross in the bathroom, because I tend to gag easily.
I also hope it doesn't mean that I forget what Middlebrow looks like because I never see him.
On the plus side, I'm already planning a fantastic vacation for next summer.

The End of the Semester

The end of the semester brings with it the anticipated sighs of relief and the exclamations of despair and frustration (those students! so annoying with their email excuses and non-turning in of things). But the end of the semester also brings with it a wee bit of sadness at the departure of some friendly faces and smarty-smarterstons whom one might never see again.
One student even remarked (in a welcome email, not one of those excuse ones...)...and I quote:  "i guess the "hard part of community college" isn't just that the students come and go but also in our perspective the teachers (professors, doctors?) who inspire us are involved in such a small slice of our lives, and then are gone."
Sweet, huh? That particular student was in two of my classes. Some of my students, especially ones who take creative writing, become friends, if I can keep them around long enough. 
So it is with a sigh that I bid the good students, the pleasant presences, farewell for now with the hope that I will randomly see them somewhere and somehow keep up with their successes in the universe. 
Good-bye, little birds, spread your wings and fly!!