I think the answer to both questions has to be No.
As proof, I offer the following anecdotes.
- In high school, I was on the debate team. I debated. With my sister.
- I had a certain army green jumpsuit that I wore with a scarf that was white with black polka dots in my hair. I used a curling iron to make my hair look like Madonna's.
- I had a red shirt with big black polka dots and puffy shoulders/sleeves that I wore with black knickers.
- I never had a boyfriend until my senior year (was it because of the knickers?).
- If I went to a dance, it was with my gay male friend. Or a friend who was a guy. Or I went with my female friends who also didn't have dates and we wore trench coats and we "crashed" the dance.
- The height of fun on Friday night was to go to JB's and eat french fries. Sometimes we got gravy with them.
- At one point, I had an asymmetrical hair cut and I wore eye shadow that went off my eyelids and down onto my face and ended in a colored star. A colored star.
- I had some earrings (my favorite) that were plastic square comic frames.
- I was threatened in the bathroom by a girl who scowled at me and said, "Are you from California?" (this was not a complement).
- I was in the National Honor Society.
- I was editor of my high school newspaper (The Rampage).
- Just today, a boy at Wild Oats called me "Ma'am."
- I have only purchased two new CDs in the past year.
- My idea of a fun Friday night is to put on my pajamas.
- I don't recognize the name of most popular music groups.
- I screamed at my son because he didn't like the letters I made for his birthday poster. (I ask you, is this cool?)
- If something's popular, I automatically dislike it on principle.
- My sophomore year of high school, a guy who liked me made out with my best friend from junior high after I left a party because I had to go home and type up my speech for the Debate Tournament the next day.
- My revenge? I left a McDonald's apple pie in her mailbox.
- The one time I did go to a dance with a boy who liked me, I asked him to take me home early. He told someone that the best thing about the date was that I had ordered the cheapest thing on the menu.
- I was once stuck over night in a pickup with a guy who liked me because he wanted to take me 4-wheeling. Once an hour we started the truck and ran the heater. Every hour, the radio played "Think of Laura" by Christopher Cross. I hate that song.
- I voted, along with the rest of the class, to have "Forever Young" by Alphaville play as we walked out of the gym after graduating.
I ask you, am I not the un-coolest of the un-cool?