Monday, August 31, 2009

Some Observations on the Recent Aquirement of the Cell Phone

  1. The only person who calls me on it? Middlebrow.
  2. Revise that: Middlebrow and Jane, my running partner. She texts to say, "Where are you? Why are you sleeping in?"
  3. Is it really necessary? Middlebrow called me from the car to tell me he was on his way home. I imagined that he was, but then he called and so I knew for sure. Did I need to know?
  4. Revise that: Verizon also sent me a text (or txt, I know!) to tell me I could manage my bill on line. Great!
  5. Revise that: I also got a call from various friends of Son or their parents to arrange play dates.
  6. The cell phone is a play date arranging device.
  7. To wit: I arrange play dates for Son, and running engagements for myself, which are really just adult exercise versions of play dates.
  8. Revise that: A colleague called to say she couldn't come over because her dog passed away.
  9. Is the cell phone a bad news delivery system? Do I need it in case bad things happen? For the inevitable bad things that will happen?
  10. Revise that: I also got a solicitation call. For Middlebrow.
  11. The only thing wrong with having my cell phone number be our old land line number is that I still get those "Want to give us money?" calls. And all the calls that are for all of us. Middlebrow gets only calls for himself, and some guy named Lee who used to have the phone number and is/was apparently a deadbeat.
  12. I think the idea is that my family will call me on it and I will call my family. So far, we've emailed each other to that effect, but no calls have taken place. I blame this on the beginning of the school year.
  13. I forget to turn it on, I forget to turn it off, I forget to charge it. So far, it has not rung in class, while I'm teaching, so I consider that a bonus.
  14. I don't ever want to get email on my cell phone.
  15. Revise that: I think my mom called me. Once.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Am I The Only Sane One? Scary!

Sometimes, sometimes when I observe humanity, sometimes I think, "Am I the only sane one?"
To wit:
I like people. I like to hang out & laugh. That seems normal, right? Why do some people not like this?
I like to watch TV.
I like to waste time.
I love my husband. He's the only one I date/have sex with. Is this TMI? I apologize, but I'm afraid the world has gone crazy, with people having sex with not-their-partners or going on dates with same.
Really, crazy Avenues real estate people? Really? You're asking $730,000? Haven't you heard? We're having a recession. I'm sure you were invited.
I like tequila. Is that so wrong?
It seems like being extreme is in. Extreme diets (only one meal a day, only 500 calories, only blue food), extreme sports (run 100 miles in the dark, jump out of a helicopter, whatever), extreme positions (Glenn Beck is sane, we don't need universal health care). Why can't we just be moderate? Why can't we be like, I like to run just 5 miles and then eat. I like to have a beer too and then watch some TV on Hulu. This is my ideal life.
Sometimes, just to be crazy, I drink something with HFCS in it.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Some Questions

  1. If an administrator speaks in an empty gym, does it make a sound?
  2. Isn't critical thinking a skill? Isn't it?
  3. Does absolute tequila corrupt absolutely?
  4. What is the exact weight, in tons, of the unreadable texts I will read this semester?
  5. If exercise doesn't make you thin (thanks Time magazine!), then does eating not make you fat?
  6. And, if so, how many cookies do I need to eat?
  7. Aren't all vegetable calories good? Like all those beets and that metric ton of tomatoes I ate?
  8. When's the next vacation?
  9. What's my theme song?
  10. How many days until the semester ends?
  11. What? It hasn't actually started yet?
  12. Shit.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

How am I shallow? Let me count the ways: An end of summer catch all list

  1. Can't be bothered to listen to NPR any more...too depressing! It's KRCL all the time, except when I'm flipping to the country station, just for a sec, or to classic rock, but only if it's Rick Springfield.
  2. Can't be bothered to actually set up the on-line portion of my on-line class. Too busy....uh, something...
  3. Can't be bothered to crack the text books for class I have never taught before. Yeah, I've already read it, like, two years ago.
  4. Umm, is that coffee?
  5. Have you heard about my knee? First, when I walked, it was mobster pain, two guys with baseball bats and part of me begging, would you please hit me in the head and put me out of my misery? Ouch.
  6. My knee is 90% better. Maybe 99%.
  7. I soooo hope that Juliette Lewis (opening for Cat Power opening for the Pretenders) is a train wreck. Train. Wreck. That would be soooo entertaining.
  8. Do I need to wear mascara on the first day of class? Discuss.
  9. I saw on a magazine cover that Bradley was dating Renee and not Jennifer and I actually cared for, like, ten seconds.
  10. I haven't even started worrying about how my new syllabus increases my grading load.
  11. You know those emails that students send saying "what books do I need for your class?" or "where does our class meet?" I've taken to responding to them with the same tone they have written them, except I edit out all the swear words that my brain tells me to type. For example, one response, unedited, would have looked like this: "Check the fucking bookstore, idjit!"
  12. Oh, I feel much better now. I think I'll go get my eyebrows waxed.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Saturday, August 08, 2009

In Which I Become a Local Food Facist

My problem, lately (hey, you know me, I has problems...), is that when I read a book, I become a convert to its perspective (exhibit 1: Born to Run; perspective: we were made to run, probably barefoot).
Now I am reading The Omnivore's Dilemma and I haven't cried while reading a book since Plainsong which, my friends, was years ago. But reading the description of steer 534's pathetic life at a corporate factory feedlot nearly brought me to tears. My first act: emailing my local beef connection and ordering many pounds of local, grass-fed beef to fill my freezer.
Today I went to the Farmer's Market and purchased more local veggies and fruit. My favorite: the Sheriff's Horticulture Program, with food grown by prisoners. Last year, I got some great peppers there.
My sister and I bought local pastries (Crumb Brothers), local breakfast burritos (Rico's), some beautiful golden beets, a delicious melon, and lots of other stuff. We could barely carry it all.
I am afraid I will become insufferable when discussing food, at least for the foreseeable future. Please forgive me in advance.