Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Teaching the Night/Novel Class

Good evening. I will now, in so many words, tell you all about the kinds of novels I hope you're NOT writing. That is, the novel about (of course!) vampires, the novel about a world that seems suspiciously like the world of Harry Potter/Stephen King/Shannon Hale/Twilight/The Lord of the Rings/all the science fiction books you've ever read.
You want to write witty banter? Hurrah! You like Kilgore Trout? Even better! Your favorite novel is Lolita? Huzzah! (Okay, yes, there are at least three readers in the class. Out of 28).
Yes, we all want to marry Mr. Darcy. But he doesn't exist. So now what?
No, that doesn't mean we move to Mars and write about unicorns. Absolutely not.
What? Your novel is about a teenage girl who kills with her mind? You are dismissed.
Please do not talk about Twilight. Or werewolves. Zombies are acceptable.
Yes, I like Luna Lovegood too.
What? You can't name a novel you like? Only a movie? I will close my eyes and make you disappear.
What? Does the novel have to be made up? You mean, fiction? Is a novel fiction? Is that really your question?
Excuse me. Class is now over.

9 comments:

Nik said...

Oh, this is a hilarious. Oh, too, too hilarious. Vampires. Students. Zombies. They have one thing in common. I don't think you can make them go away with your mind. At least you and the three will have a good time. And there will be more that will surprise you. Yay for surprising good writers.

Anonymous said...

How about thinly disguised autobiographical drivel masquerading as "fiction"? Someone needs to fill that slot in the annuls of never-to-be-published student works, and I think I'm the one for the job. --E.S.

Dr. Write said...

Yes, I told them that thinly disguised autobiography was acceptable. The key word being "disguised"...

theorris said...

I don't know, vampiric teenage unicorns from Mars sounds like an awesome read.

ErinAlice said...

That is hilarious. I too have students in my writing class who can't name a favorite book? Huh? Whatever. I don't understand you. And only two said Twilight was their favorite book. Are you reading Curious Incident???? Sounds like a fun class.

Lisa B. said...

Turn this little dialogue into a presentation and you can teach this online!

Renaissance Girl said...

I have a new student who at the first class meeting not only couldn't name a favorite book, s/he couldn't name a book s/he'd read. I'm wondering why s/he's taking creative writing, frankly...

Michelle Marie said...

I am personally writing a thinly veiled novel about my secret identity. Have you ever heard of a Were-corn? Why yes, on full moons I changed magically into a beautiful were-corn. My long cascading dyed black hair with sharp fangs of doom!

You like to jog at night? BEWARE of the WERE_CORN!!!! Silly muggle!

Michelle Marie said...

- I do believe I am the next JK Rowling! Or would that be Judy Bloom? Muahahahah!!!!!