Tuesday, March 04, 2008

New Career Plan: Lie, Apologize, Profit

Here is yet another story about a fake "memoir": White Girl Writes Hood "Memoir."
How long does it take me to learn? First, you write a fake memoir. Make stuff up. The more dramatic the better. (Hey, I just remembered. My first love was killed in a hunting accident. And then I had to go live with my estranged aunt who was a crack addict. I lived on Top Ramen. I had to work at ShopKo. Oh wait, that was my sister.) Also, I could borrow a "plot" from a book that's already been published. That works too. (Wait, I already have a title, developed using an algorithm that combines all the titles from best selling books: Snow Falling on My Idaho Girlhood. Also, it sounds vaguely dirty, which helps. )
Then, when it comes out that it was all made up, I say that it was "emotionally true" or that I was speaking for those who cannot speak for themselves. Or that I don't understand what is meant by "lying" because I'm a "creative" writer. That means I can create stuff, right? Get over it.
Then I apologize. Sorry. I just didn't understand.
Then I get a story in the New York Times. Then I write a novel. Jackpot!! Because I've proved I can make stuff up right?
Career Gold!
Why didn't I think of it sooner?

6 comments:

Nik said...

Any career with a built-in marketing plan can't go wrong. I look forward to both the fake memoir and the novel.

Lisa B. said...

I love your title (Snow Falling etc.). Can you use it for both the memoir *and* the novel? Oh how I hope you can.

ErinAlice said...

You can say you worked at ShopKo if you want. Lies, truth I mean really it is a fine line isn't it??? You could make me into whatever you want- The sleazy cheerleader? A rebellious drug addict? Just change my name...

theorris said...

Awesome to the max plan, Dr. Write. Be sure to include the chief 80's cliches: wrecking the house. Anything you write cannot be set in the 80s unless you or another main character goes berzerk and wrecks the house.

Now back to your topic: a fiction writer wrote a very funny piece about that Million Pieces dude, basically saying "get the hell out of my territory." Very funny.

susansinclair said...

I just blogged on this, as one of those folks who read the NYT piece last week and thought, "Cool..."

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