Today, I celebrate the convergence of two of the best things about March: NCAA Basketball and Girl Scout Cookies. Go Gonzaga! I love to root for the small school. I love to eat Thin Mints. They are both so thin and so minty, that they invariably must be low calorie and have little to no impact on my waistline.
Add to basketball and cookies the beginning of Pre-K Indoor Soccer season, and I will not lack for entertainment or delicious treats.
Under the influence of Middlebrow, I will now list the Top Ten short stories of all time. (I have renounced poetry and all things poetic in favor of the not-so-much-more profitable world of the short story. Why? Don't ask so many questions. It's rude.) And I don't say My Top Ten because that makes it seem subjective, as if it were only a matter of opinion. No. These are the Top Ten short stories. Trust me. I'm a doctor.
Top Ten Short Stories in the Order I Happened to Think of Them
1. "The French Lesson" by Lydia Davis
2. "The Fall River Axe Murders" by Angela Carter
3. "The Short Happy Life of Francis Macomber" by Ernest Hemingway
4. "Arrow Math" by Katharine Haake
5. "Lost in the Funhouse" by John Barth
6. "Metamorphosis" by Franz Kafka (I know, it's a novella, but why split hairs?)
7. "Emergency" by Denis Johnson
8. "The People Like That Are the Only People Here" by Lorrie Moore
9. "Demonology" by Rick Moody
10. "Lechery" by Jayne Anne Phillips
11. "Plan B for the Middle Class" by Ron Carlson
Okay, I had to include 11, because I couldn't not include Ron Carlson, because I LOVE that story and he's such a nice person. Plus, ten is such a random number. Why 10? Just because we have ten fingers? So I borrow a thumb from Middlebrow, and we can get to 11. We could even get to 20, but if I'm not mistaken I hear the dulcet tones of basketball commentary drifting up from the sub-arctic basement where we watch TV and huddle under a handmade afghan (thanks mom!) and drink wine (currently: Dancing Bull Zin: on sale at UDABC: hurry while supplies last!)
*translation for uplanders: UDABC=Utah Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control (emphasis on Control).
I promise to expand my range of topics beyond sports and things you can eat/drink. Maybe. Soon. Perhaps after Spring Break.
Get out your grids! It's going to be a bumpy ride!