Salt Lake City: A Photo Essay

My Bookshelves

Awhile ago, Hightouchmegastore posted this to her blog. A little something about her bookshelves, which made me want to do it, and now, finally, I'm gettin to it. So, it only takes me a long time, it turns out, to get around to stuff. Because I have a lot of stuff going on, okay? Don't be like that.

So here is an assortment from my library. What I'm reading and what not.

Mr. Palomar by Italo Calvino

I borrowed this book from a friend because I read two of these shorts in a creative writing textbook and I loved them. I have been reading this book very slowly, and enjoying it. Apparently it has a structure to it, each little chapter, such as "Mr. Palomar does the shopping," has three parts which are visual, cultural, and speculative. But you don't need to know that. Some of the sections are better than others, but they are all slightly strange and alienating and also beautiful.




Spectacle by Susan Steinberg

I bought this book at AWP at the Graywolf table. I have read and liked Steinberg's stories before. I do like this collection/linked stories/novel. The writing is interesting and has all the hallmarks of her other work: a disjointed narrative, focus on female experience, possibly disturbing events, theorizing on the meaning of things. Some of them are clever, or meant to be clever (based on their titles, like "Signifier"). But, as with her story collections, I feel like most of the stories hit the same note. But, I'm going to finish it.



This is How You Lose Her by Junot Diaz

I just bought this book today. I'm reading it for one of my book clubs, so I want everyone to know I bought it and Yes, I'm going to read it.








The All of It by Jeannette Haien

I am supposed to read this for my other book club, which doesn't meet until May, so that shouldn't be a challenge because the book is only 145 pages. I include it here because it is one of those books I have known about for almost 15 years and have just never read, for whatever reason. So I look forward to reading a very short book.






As you probably assume, my house is filled with hundreds more books that I have not yet read, but plan to. I will do my best to keep  you updated on those.

AWP redux: Boston!

I have (very) recently returned from Boston, the land of snow & chowdah. & lobstah & some writers.
First let me say that I did not sleep either very much or very well, so my disposition on returning home is cloudy (inside the head). But, I am glad to be home and I am also glad I went.

1. Number of meals/etc. with Nikwalk: 3-ish? One might have been drinks that bled into dinner, so maybe I could count that as two? Whatever the answer, it was awesome!! But I could've handled more. 
2. Stuff learned: some. I got some good ideas for my novel writing class and I learned some things about Book Arts, which is relevant to the Publication Class I'm teaching now. The other panels were sort of blah ho hum.
3. Number of readings attended: Three. It seems like more. Don DeLillo. He is awesome. As Lisa B. said, he is like someone's old Italian grandfather. He seems like a reclusive curmudgeon with a dry sense of humor. I could have listened to him talk for hours. The person he "conversed" with was interesting, but I found her fiction too detailed. It reminded me of the Lynn Emanuel poem where she says she doesn't want to write fiction because she doesn't want to describe the carpet. I want to write fiction and also not describe the carpet
4. Best thing ever: Jeanette Winterson. I felt like I was at a TED talk. She walked around and read and took off her glasses and used interesting voices. She talked about how important art is, and I love that. Also she is petite and she seemed really friendly.
5. Best meal: I don't know. I'm too tired to think about it. I think I liked the tapas at Toro best, because you know I am a sucker for tapas.
6. Most overrated thing: Bone Marrow. What is that about? Sorry, Nik.
7. Best thing in life: sleep.
8. Best excursion: MFA. I love art! It made me remember that I need to be more involved with art at home. I got to see one of my favorite paintings, Millet's "The Sower." So I'm happy about that.
9. I have some good stories to tell, but you'll have to see me in person to hear those. 

My Dog: The Interview

Me: Gus, why are you neurotic?
Gus: (staring intently into my eyes) Bark!

Me: But I took you to the park? Remember? Snow? Birds?
Gus: (tilting his head from side to side as if listening to music in the distance) urwr?

Me: Why don't you lay down and stop pacing the living room?
Gus: (appears not to understand the question)

Gus: Bark! bark! Bark!
Me: But I already fed you and took you outside.

Me: Gus, what is it you want?
Gus: (responds by backing into the space between my knee and the couch)

Me: Gus, could you kindly relax?
Gus: (takes the opportunity to leave the room)

I have learned much from Gus, the German Shorthaired Pointer, but not the answer to any of my very practical questions. Except, the question What do you like? the answer to which is Everything that fits in my mouth.

Sick Sickness, The Sick Edition

So, as many of you know from the FB-verse, I have been sick for some, if not all, of 2013. Much of this illness covers that last week or so, and some of it covers whole swathes of January, but never mind. I am not here to praise sickness, but to bury it under a list of things I have done, so that I can feel that, indeed, Sickness, you have not buried me under a mountain of used Kleenex and cough drop wrappers. No, I will rise again!! (sniffle, sniffle, cough!)

1. Watched "Pitch Perfect"! Finally! Why didn't everyone beat me with their fists and plead with me, nay, beg me to watch this the minute it was released, and then again and again? Because it really was *that good*. And I say this even while wondering (if by wondering you mean beating one's chest and looking skyward) why, oh why, do funny movies have to have disgusting bodily function scenes. Can anyone tell me why?
2. Tried different medicines. I want to know, for example, if the liquid green Nyquil (which tastes like Jagermeister and burns) is better, in terms of healing function, than the Sinex capsules which are also an eerie nuclear green, but have no taste, but almost get stuck in my throat. Do I know? I do not, really, except that maybe, maybe the capsules give you less of an "I just drank a bunch of Jagermeister" dry mouth effect. Also, there are these daytime Tylenol cold pills which are minty (why? I'm just going to swallow them. I don't need minty in my esophagus) and they seem to work, but they also make me feel like someone just poured plastic into my sinuses. That is, they work, but do they work by just stopping all sinus functions which will just come back fourfold when they wear off? These are the questions I need answers to.
3. Drank a Mexican coke. I don't have to explain this one, do I?
4. Ate some soft chicken tacos. Hightouchmegastore made me.
5. Drank too much wine. This has nothing to do with anything, per se, but I was starting to feel sick again (a sore throat) and I had already invited people over, and what to do? So I told myself I wouldn't drink too much and then I did, and then what happened? (See #s 3 & 4).
6. Drank a shit ton of tea. I have to say, that I'm a little sick of tea. Which is why I drank coffee today. Sometimes you has to do that.
7. Blew my nose like 8.3 million times. Bought more kleenex. Blew my nose. You see where this is going.
8. Had an idea for, and then wrote an essay. I think under 1,000 words is my sweet spot and by that I mean attention span. Also, the way I write works that way and when I try to make it longer...let's just say Silly Putty.
9. Did not work on some grant applications. That is for suckers and people whose heads are not stuffed with cotton and Nyquil.
10. Deleted a shit ton of email. Why, dear readers, do I not just delete it when it arrives so I don't have to go back and delete it later? Why??
11. Read almost nothing. When sick, even reading seems like too much damn work. I want someone to come and put the words in my brain while I lay here with my eyes closed.
12. Did no prep work. See, I had this great idea at the beginning of the semester and I made a schedule for the first 5 weeks of the semester, and, you see, the first five weeks are rapidly drawing to a close and, my friends, what will I do??
13. Spent a shit ton of time on-line. It has not made me smarter, friends, it has not.
14. Bought my husband a sandwich. He can't say I didn't help.
15. I may have to go out and get chicken pot pie for dinner. I just might.

Results of my Whole36

Well, the Paleo Challenge is over. For those of you who don't know what that is, you can read all about it over at Whole9. Basically, it was to eat only REAL foods for 30 days. Real meaning not processed. So I lived on meat, veggies, fruit, and some nuts. I also gave up caffeine!
What, you may ask, happened in these 30 days? First, let me just tell you, that it was actually 36 days!! I started on January 1, but the folks at my gym didn't start until January 7, so I kept on with them until they were done.
First, a photo collage.

I'm pretty proud of myself for making this collage! Well, also for sticking with this eating plan for 36 days of no sugar and no alcohol! In the photo above, the before pictures are on the left, the after pics are on the right (except for the bottom row, where they only before picture is number three).
Let me preface the story of my 36 days by explaining where I was at before. I would say I was mostly healthy, but I had let some bad habits take control of me. Mostly I mean drinking alcohol almost every night and not sleeping as well or as much as I should. I remember a few times drinking wine and thinking that I really didn't want it, but oh well, there it was in the glass and I should just finish it. I feel like my eating (sugar, wheat, dairy) had gotten out of control between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Every day was a party! By the time Christmas was over I had a nice little roll of fat on my belly.
Another thing I should say is that I have been doing Crossfit for almost four years, so I felt like I knew a lot about health and nutrition. I felt like I understood the Paleo diet, that I followed it pretty well, if not consistently. I'm not a huge dessert addict nor an emotional eater. That's where I was, mentally, at the beginning of the Whole 30. I weighed 160 pounds, which is about 5 more than I feel comfortable weighing. I knew I had a lot of fat on my body that I could lose.
I have to say that when I got up on the morning of January 1, it was not that hard to drink tea instead of coffee. I didn't get a headache and I didn't feel cranky. I had decided to give up caffeine because I am hypoglycemic and I wanted to see how my blood sugar did without coffee. I also tried not to eat fruit at breakfast (because of the effect the sugar might have on my blood sugar). The effects were immediate. That night I slept the best I have slept since my son was born (almost 12 years ago!). I continued to sleep (and nap! unheard of!) very well throughout the month. I slept well every night!
Other than sleep, the first two weeks were hard. I did a pretty good job of preparing food for the week, packing my lunch and planning ahead. The mental part was hard for me. No snacking?!? As a hypoglycemic, I am pretty used to eating snacks every 2 hours. I stuck pretty much with a few nuts and sometimes some raisins. But after awhile, even the snacking pretty much fell away (but wasn't eliminated entirely).
One of the hardest things for me was the mental game. Mentally, I wasn't sure how to think about what I was doing or what I was going to do when the 30 days were up. What is food? Why can't I just eat and forget about it?
That's when I got an email from the library saying a copy of It Starts With Food was being held for me. I began reading it that night. Much of it was familiar. I have attended one Whole9 seminar and had been on other challenges (though none as strict as this one). But when I got to the chapter on Food & Psychology,  I felt I really learned a lot. I've never been an emotional eater, but I definitely saw my habits in a new light after that chapter. Why do I eat what I eat? Why do I think I need a glass of wine every night? I dedicated myself to developing some new habits. Now, when I watch TV (which I try to do less of), I drink tea.
Around week 3, I didn't feel like I was really making any progress. I couldn't see any results in my body and I had been sick, off and on, so I wasn't making it to the gym as much as I wanted. Add to that the terrible air quality, and I just didn't feel awesome the way I wanted to.
I had to go to the doctor and I couldn't eat for a whole day at the end of that week. Of course they weighed me at the doctor's office and I couldn't believe it. According to them, I had lost 10 pounds. How could I not see that?
My only excuse is that I have in my head an image of myself that doesn't always match reality. So that was a good reality check for me.
Week four felt very good to me. I tried to reintroduce decaf coffee after day 30, but I couldn't sleep that night. I'm not sure if it was the decaf, but I'm going to experiment with different kinds of decaf and different brewing methods to see if I can have some coffee, at least one or two days a week. I miss my coffee!! I love the smell!
Last Friday, we had an event for Utah Women Crossfitters. We did a WOD and I have to say that the rowing and the pull ups felt easier than they ever have. So that's a bonus!
Now that I'm done, I'm excited to try to integrate some foods (okay, I mean wine) back into my diet. But I have lost so much fat that I don't want it to come back! I am going to avoid gluten and grains and dairy and sugar. If I want treats, I will make myself Paleo treats. And I'm always on the hunt for Paleo friendly chocolate.
The thing I want most right now is a Paleo brownie and a cup of coffee. So I'll be making Paleo brownies on Thursday.
I want to be able to eat out and socialize with friends, hang out, have a glass of wine, but not over do it. I want to maintain the health I've found now. I don't want to go back to my old habits, of doing something not because I want to, but just because it's a habit.
I also want to help my family to be healthier, without becoming a lecturer. That's hard.
So that's it, folks. That's my Whole36.

Tag! I'm it!

My friend and fellow writer, Mystery Girl, tagged me to take part in The Next Big Thing Blog Hop. So, without further ado, here are my answers to the questions posed.

1. What is your working title of your book (or story)?

I first called it Mole People, because it's about people living underground, but my Son was very sad that it wasn't actually about talking moles. I still call it Mole People, but that's only a working title. I imagine the real title will have the word "dark" in it. 

2. Where did the idea come from for the book?

I was teaching a novel writing class at SLCC and I made all the students pitch their books on the last night. There were so many dystopia books that students took to saying (in a fake, movie trailer voice) "In a post-apocalyptic world...." before giving their pitch. The phrase took hold and I wanted to write something. I'm not sure where the whole idea came from. I probably stole it. 

3. What genre does your book fall under?

Definitely young adult dystopia. 

4. Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?

Ack! I'm sure by the time I finish the book all of the people I choose will be too old. But, that said, Chloe Moretz would make a great Sarah (main character). I could see Logan Lerman as Jonas (male lead). 

5. What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?

The Dark Something (ha!) follows storyteller Sarah as the secluded religious community she has grown up in searches for the Final Prophet who will lead them into the light. 

6. Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency?

I will probably look for an agent. 

7. How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?

Off and on (mostly off) for four years. Seriously for the last year. 

8. What other books would you compare this story to within your genre?

It is most influenced by the novel Oyster, which is not a YA book at all. I don't know of any religious community dystopias but I am sure they are out there.

9. Who or what inspired you to write this book?

Students mostly. I also wanted to write something that would be more straightforward (chronological) than the other novels I've tried to write, so I set out to write a book with a more traditional trajectory.

10. What else about your book might pique the reader's interest?

The book switches between the perspectives of Sarah, the storyteller, and Jonas, a boy she meets in her journey. It also quotes extensively from the (made up) book of their origins, The Book of Earth. 

So now I'm supposed to tag  people to participate next week, so I tag Hightouchmegastore (I can't wait to see who she would cast to star in her poems!), Ann Cannon, Nikwalk, and The World's Strongest Librarian. I can't wait to see what they are all working on! 

Scone-ology

It's a thing now, the study of scones. Or the theory of scones, which one must have if one is to 1) make scones 2) make other things, and (most importantly, but don't tell the scones) 3) survive baking season.

I was telling someone, someone who also likes to make scones and apparently makes them every weekend, about my difficulty making scones, and she totally misunderstood (maybe I was drunk, I don't know) but she said the answer is the pastry cutter and I needed a pastry cutter, and so I politely agreed because she just didn't understand, and what's the point?

But now, friends, I will attempt to explain to you what I could not explain to her: it's not the butter! The butter, cut into small cubes and refrozen for an appropriate amount of time, the butter you simply dump into the food processor and do the pulsing thing, and then wala, you have the base of the dough, but NO, the problem, friends, is the cream. The cream!

Now, I don't want to say the cream is problematic as if this were a character flaw on the part of cream, because cream is lovely, right? It's soft and delicate and blameless. No, the problem, as it were, is that the cream doesn't really want to make friends with the dough.

The recipe I follow says to make a little mound of the dough and then make a divot in it and then pour the cream and then cupping your hands like tiny shovels, lightly move the dough into the trough of cream and do this without screaming obscenities and don't mix it too much or else it gets gummy and then somehow (the recipe doesn't say how) get it all to stick together (but barely, barely!) and then make it into a circle and then, quick, before one portion cedes, cut them into triangles and get them into the oven where the still slightly frozen butter can work its magic.

Well. You can see my dilemma. The first two times I made scones I was perfectly happy to participate in the charade that cupping the hands and yadda yadda yadda would result in scone magic. But last time, this last time, I just said, you know what? Screw it. I'm just going to pour in enough cream until the dough just has no choice but to stick together because that's what dough does, and then I'm going to make it into a flat disc and I'm going to use the scone cutter that I bought and I'm going to cut circles and then I'm just going to bake them.
And you know what? They were still perfectly delicious and better than 99.99% of the scones I've ever consumed, ever, except the ones made by my friend at that bakery in Bellingham. So that's a win right? Scones 0, Me 1. I win!

But, also, and here's the important part: recipes exist for a reason. I need them. I do. Even when I've made something a million times I look at the recipe for reassurance, like checking in just to make nothing's changed since the last time, even though I know what I'm doing. I do. So what I've learned, my scone-ology, is that you need the recipe, yes. But if you are going to survive baking season, and baking in general, you have to go with the flow. Baking is about nothing if not the current context. Sometimes the temperature in the kitchen is greater or lesser. Sometimes you have hot hands. You just do. Sometimes the butter is better or worse.

But you know what? The scones always taste just fine. In fact, they taste delicious.

"Looper"

Whoa! That movie should come with a warning label. Such as, "Really violent! No, really! And there some children in this movie. You are NOT going to like what happens to them!"
But...but! In spite of that, I liked it quite a bit.
But, like any time travel movie, I left the theater with questions, QUESTIONS!?!
(My questions were not necessarily answered, but were confirmed, here.)
But anyway, you know how it is with time travel narratives, you're all like...how did he come back if....
That said, I did enjoy it.
HOWEVER, I was a little bit sad that Joseph Gordon Levitt did not look like JGL. They made his nose all weird so he would look like a young Bruce Willis, which I think was a mistake, but I guess it's easier to make someone look like they don't have cheekbones then to make them  look like they do.
Also, I did not know Emily Blunt was in it, and she was good.
Also, Jeff Daniels. Enough said.
So, yes, I'd say see it, unless you are my 11 year old son, and then I would say, maybe when you're 18.

Some Birthday Thoughts

Since it is my birthday, I thought I would include some Deep Thoughts here for your edification.

1. Birthdays are just another day. But on this day, I feel I set the tone for the coming year. I also feel this way about New Year's Day, so I try to do things I think will bode well for the next 365 days. So today, I worked out (good, right?) and then had breakfast (also good, yes?). With friends. I think this last part is key.
2. Surround yourself with happy people. (see above)
3. Set goals you can accomplish. Next year I want to be grateful, to be happy, to enjoy life and appreciate my friends. I also would like to be injury & pain free.
4. Try to see the good in the bad. I wasn't fond of 2012. But some good things happened. Right? I'm trying to think of them...instead of saying "I had to have surgery in July!" I say, "there were 11 months in 2012 in which I did not have to have surgery." Hurray!
5. My body is telling me not to do things that are bad for me anyway. I'm going to listen to my body.
6. But still, I'm going to enjoy life by partaking of wine, chocolate, etc in moderate amounts.
7. Do more yoga. (this is always a good idea)
8. Meditate, even if your meditation is to stare out the window into the distance (or the neighbor's house, whatever) and to contemplate your existence.
9. Be in this isness. A good friend of mine once said this, and I have been coming back to it lately as I try to lessen the stress in my life.
10. A corollary of number 9 is this gem: Lean into the pain. I saw this on a TED talk. I'm not even sure what the topic of the TED talk was. But I think of this when I am stressing out, or when I'm fighting with Son. Sometimes, the pain or stress comes from the resistance. If you relax, then sometimes the pain goes away. This is what I've found.

I hope these small thoughts help you as you navigate this (sometimes) difficult season. The point of holidays is not to buy stuff or to stress out, but to take a moment to appreciate what we have, and to enjoy the people in our lives. 

Consumption Log

Because HTMS said she would not be bored by learning what I have eaten....

• Rotisserie chicken (standing up in the kitchen, pulling meat off, feeding chicken skin to the Gus)
• Pear Martini (yes, it was that delicious)
• Roasted Apple Salad
• Coffee Spiced Beet Salad
• Pici with Duck Ragu & Wild Mushrooms (yes! It was that good!)
• Chocolate Lava Cake with Vanilla Gelato and Citrus Glaze (yum!)
• Scallops cooked with garlic in white wine and butter
• Caesar Salad
• Ahi Tuna
• Roasted Potatoes and Carrots
• Chocolate with Hazlenuts
• Vermont Maple Sausage
• Hashbrowns
• Scrambled Eggs

So, that's been my last few days.

Also: coffee. I can't believe it, but here I go: grading! 

Because I can't stand to disappoint...

HTMS
So Blogger won't let me link in the title, which is disappointing, to say the least.
Listen, HTMS, my only reader, my life is so boring, that I don't want to disappoint you either by not blogging or by blogging in such a boring way you wish, in fact, that I had not blogged.
So, to whit, to continue: This morning as I was reading Anna Karenina (is that pretentious? to announce to the world, hey! I'm reading this 817 page monolith?), I couldn't help but wonder if I could actually make it through the book what with the

1. Grading
2. Christmas decorating (tree. wreath? inside lights? plaques which proclaim family rules including admonitions to love more and to say please and thank you? Reindeer antlers for the dog? (yes!))
3. Planning of Christmas food & cookies & cocktails
4. Making of above
5. Movies? Movies!
6. Reading? I guess...
7. Planning of classes for next semester? (this is in desperate need of being done, but honestly, eww!)

 things I have to do and think about when I'm not doing...You understand.
In any case, it only took me, like, 4 days to do this, so maybe I can blog more this month, so as to fulfill one of your Christmas wishes.
My pleasure.

I have a blog?

So months pass, apparently, and I don't blog. Because I am busy.
But also, sometimes I get angry, and then I think about venting, but where? So, yeah...the blog.
This semester is harder than others, and I don't want this blog to be my personal journal so I'll just note a few things that make me crazy and (try to) move on.

1. Students who are so apathetic they can barely put together a (spoken) sentence. I'm not joking. I keep trying to tell this student to drop, but she keeps responding with "Yeah...I'll have to....yeah...I'll check the...." Seriously. I'm trying to help you, I want to scream, but she's....still...breathlessly... talking.....sort of.....
2. Disagreements which are stupid, basically, but which still make me angry, which makes me angry (don't even try to understand this one, but suffice it to say when people say things meant to make you angry, and then you get angry, and then other people wonder why you are angry, and then other people wonder say that disagreement is the same as shutting down the conversation....oh my!)
3. How the internet is a self-perpetuating machine. So I get angry, and then what do I do? I look for stupid videos to make me feel better....Oh, internet, you have eaten my brain.
4. Why is there no TV?
5. I need a drink.

In conclusion, I may not make it through this semester alive/sane/sober. 

New World Order

Today a new world order is being instated (is that the right word?). We are all up early. We have all left the house early (except for Son, who is doing something on his computer that he claims is "educational."). Some of us have come back to the house early after working out, again, early.
This new regime has come about because Husband (aka Middlebrow) has started a New Job. The New Job is the same place as the Old Job, but the New Job has what We (in this house) would call "Banker's Hours" meaning he has to be there early and he has to stay just as long as everyone else (I'm assuming this is 4:30 or 5, but we'll see).
What will this New World Order mean for Son and Dr. Write? Well, so far it means I have to workout very early, or when Son is doing some of his Summer Son things. It means I have to figure out what to do with Son during the class I teach. It means I will have to figure out how to get Son to be docile for at least an hour a day while I write. It means it will be very hard for me to have coffee dates and movie dates, except when Son is in camp.
It also means, apparently, that I will be asking Middlebrow to "pick things up on the way home." It may also mean that I have to keep the fridge well stocked with cold beer and that maybe I should teach Gus (the GSP) how to bring him his slippers, pipe, and smoking jacket when he appears at the front door after five saying, "Honey! I'm home!"
I hope it doesn't mean that I have to cook dinner 7 days a week. Middlebrow has perfected quite a few recipes and I don't want him to forget!
I hope it doesn't mean that I have to do all the laundry. (Wait! I already do!)
I hope it doesn't mean that I will have to figure out how to do anything gross in the bathroom, because I tend to gag easily.
I also hope it doesn't mean that I forget what Middlebrow looks like because I never see him.
On the plus side, I'm already planning a fantastic vacation for next summer.

The End of the Semester

The end of the semester brings with it the anticipated sighs of relief and the exclamations of despair and frustration (those students! so annoying with their email excuses and non-turning in of things). But the end of the semester also brings with it a wee bit of sadness at the departure of some friendly faces and smarty-smarterstons whom one might never see again.
One student even remarked (in a welcome email, not one of those excuse ones...)...and I quote:  "i guess the "hard part of community college" isn't just that the students come and go but also in our perspective the teachers (professors, doctors?) who inspire us are involved in such a small slice of our lives, and then are gone."
Sweet, huh? That particular student was in two of my classes. Some of my students, especially ones who take creative writing, become friends, if I can keep them around long enough. 
So it is with a sigh that I bid the good students, the pleasant presences, farewell for now with the hope that I will randomly see them somewhere and somehow keep up with their successes in the universe. 
Good-bye, little birds, spread your wings and fly!! 

Solutions for Monday

This may have been (quite possibly) the Best Monday of My Life.
Why, you ask? Well, thanks for asking!
Because.

1.  I got up at the first alarm (no multiple snoozes).
2. I drank coffee with heavy cream (left over from my scone baking). Do not let anyone tell you that there is no difference between half and half (half cream, half milk) and heavy cream, because, there is, there is, there is. Just do it. (Do not worry that heavy cream will make you fat. If you don't eat Doritos, you'll be fine.)
3. I took the dog for a walk in the morning when the air was so crisp and the neighborhood was so quiet. My dog loved it, I saw the neighbor at the dog park, and I felt so good. I also told myself that I was jump starting my metabolism.
4. I ate one of the leftover ginger scones. Delicious!! 
5. I took the opportunity between student conferences to walk outside, around the block, in the sunshine.
6. When student conferences were over, I ate my lunch outside. In the sunshine.
7. I didn't really grade any papers. (Well, maybe a few. But not a lot).
8. I did the NYTimes Monday crossword. In pen. (That's right, bitches!)
9. I did my Yoga Teacher Training final presentation. On the handstand. I took 5 minutes to talk about Mountain Pose. My teacher said "So awesome!" and that I have an amazing presence. So I guess that means I passed.
10. I did not get pulled over on the way home for being "high on Yoga." Though I did think it was a possibility.
11. I had a delicious salad when I got home (arugula, super greens, olive oil, lemon juice, salt & pepper, avocado). So good!
12. Seriously, I feel so good. Today was awesome.
13. Namaste. 

Ten Things I Want to Tell My Son

Inspired by this, I wrote these:

1.  Be Yourself. So many teenagers look around them for how they are supposed to be acting. In the process, they lose an essential part of themselves, what makes them the amazing individuals they are. Don’t be afraid to be who you are, because who you are is perfect.
2. Talk About Your Feelings. Many men in our culture are messed up because they don’t know how to express the crazy complex things they are feeling, and many of them are unhappy. In order to be happy, you have to feel the feelings you feel, good and bad.
3.  Keep drawing. At some point, most kids stop drawing, either because they think what they draw is not realistic or they don’t like the way things look, or they just think it’s not cool. C’mon. Picasso was cool, da Vinci was cool. Drawing is cool. Keep drawing.
4. For a model of how to be a man, look to your father. There are many examples of how to be a man, not all of them good. But your own father is the best example you can have: he is smart and silly, athletic and intelligent, sometimes impatient, sometimes impulsive, always kind. If you want to know what you should do, ask him.
5.  Decide what you believe in and stick to it. As you grow up, you will try on different beliefs and ideas. This is natural. But in your heart of hearts, you know what is right and what is wrong. Don’t be persuaded by someone else to do something you don’t believe in. You will know if this is happening because your heart will hurt. Listen to your intuition.
6.  Drinking and smoking and drugs are stupid, and can screw up the rest of your life. I’m your mother, and you’re just going to have to trust me on this one.
7. Respect women. You are a man, but you came from a woman. All people come from women. Remember that. Along the way, you may be tempted to treat a woman as less than you, and many messages in our culture will tell you that’s okay. Many images in our culture will tell you that girls and women are just a collection of beautiful parts for you to oogle. We aren’t. Always remember, first, that your mother is a woman. And second, ask yourself, what would my mother want me to do? Look women in the eye and make them laugh. That’s all we want. (Remember also that, no matter how big you are, I am still doing Crossfit, so I can still take you.)
8. Never lose your sense of humor. Among the many life skills, the ability to laugh at yourself is the most important. Seriously.
9.  Play sports. This will keep you fit and healthy and, most importantly, keep you out of trouble.
10. Love your mother. No matter how big you get, you’re still my son. Don’t forget that. 

Cookbooks

Today, one smart woman I like asked another smart woman I like (no, none of these is me!) about cooking and cook books, which leads me, now, to reflect on cookbooks and things I cook that have formed me into the mediocre cook I am. (Also, I like to think I'm mediocre at a lot of things like: Crossfit, running, swimming, writing, baking, walking backwards, laundry. I would say cleaning, but I know I am terrible at that. In fact, I should be cleaning now.)
Anyway, here are some cookbooks that I think about when I think about cookbooks:

1. Moosewood: I was a vegetarian working at a fish market and a woman bought me this cookbook, but I may have paid her back. Anyway, my go to recipes from this were Tabouli (I swear, I could live on that stuff!), the Indonesian rice salad, certain varieties of yogurt sauce with cucumbers, spanakopita (I had forgotten that!),the pumpkin pie recipe where you actually bake down the pumpkin, banana bread that has coffee in it, a cheesecake (I think I made this once & once my boyfriend made it for me), the brownies I made a few times. I made pita bread once and it even worked! 
2. No Cook Pasta Sauces: Someone gave us this for our wedding. Maybe? I can't remember. But I made the Puttanesca a lot. And the clam sauce. I was sort of addicted to both of those until I gave up pasta and got rid of the cookbook. 
3. Complete Vegetarian Kitchen: A friend gave this to me. From it I got two of my stand bys, a roasted veggie soup w/pesto and a delicious broccoli dish that I used to make with tofu and now I just use broccoli (and which I haven't actually made in a long time).
4. Seductions of rice: I got this when I worked at a bookstore and it's as much travel book as it is cookbook. I got it because I had been to Thailand and I wanted to make Thai food. I can now make a curry without it. But I also make the Indian curries from this book. And it helped me to solidify a recipe for another favorite soup: African peanut stew. And because of this book at one point in my life I had about six different kinds of rice in the house. And I made sushi. Once or twice. And this is where I got the recipe for the delicious rice salad that I sometimes make and will make this summer.
5. The Surreal Gourmet: This cookbook made me the Caesar Salad guru that I am. It's a staple and one of Middlebrow's favorite meals (salad + meat = meal).
6. Cafe Flora: I got this because it has great recipes. I made these amazing burgers from quinoa and split peas and they had a fantastic tomato salsa on them. I made them once. (I think it took me three days but I may be exaggerating). Also: great salad recipes and great dressings. This is where the amazing strawberry and arugula salad comes from.
7. The Food You Crave: this is a great book with healthy recipes. I've made a few of the recipes, such as the Spinach Salad with Bacon dressing (bacon!). I also got the idea for the Breakfast Salad from this book. I made her energy bars (good), and also the meatballs (but not the spaghetti).
8. So many recipes that have stuck with me, I actually got on-line or from magazines. Some of my stand bys: Coq au Vin in the crock pot (Whole Foods magazine), Curry soup with noodles (some foodie mag), stuffed peppers (a re imagining of my mom's recipe), tacos (same), my favorite potato sausage soup (I got the recipe from Liberty Heights!).
9. Mark Bittman: I have two of his cookbooks, and yes, he is God. Everything I make from his cookbooks work and even Middlebrow uses his cookbooks! (and tonight made a delicious chicken stir fry with cashews!)
10. etc.

What, friends, are your go to cookbooks?

A Certain Kind of Sadness

There's a kind of nostalgia/sadness brought about by music. It doesn't necessarily have to do with the music itself. It's almost like the music induces a state, which may or may not be similar to a state you have experienced in the past, but which the music replicates, without transition, and seemingly instantaneously. I only mention this because

1. The song "Somebody That I Used to Know" transports me there in one note. BOOM! I'm there. See this.   
2. How to even describe this "there"? Well. It's a post-college angst. It's an "I'm in love with this person who may or may not often mistake me for a lamppost."  It's an "I'm reading or have read Alan Watts The Wisdom of Insecurity and I may be taking his ideas to heart" kind of angst. 
3. There is a very specific person with whom this angst/feeling is associated. But I don't want you to mistake this feeling for the idea that I am still in love with him/was ever in love with him/am still not over him, because that's not it.
4. Also, this idea of a person I was in love with and a feeling associated with a very specific time in my life (with which I also associate 40 oz. beers and mazurka cookies), it's more a whole mood, tone, as if that time in my life was a fog that enveloped me, which it did. Also it involved beer, and our local, which was called Targy's Tavern. Also, I should tell you about the night I played pool with my friend Patty and played every Beatles song on the juke box until I found the one I really, actually, seriously wanted it and it was "Norwegian Wood."
5. Somewhere, right at that very moment, the one where I was at the bar, drinking cheap beer and wanting so much to be in love with the guy who just couldn't, for whatever reason, love me the way I needed to be loved, right at that moment, Kurt Cobain was radically unhappy, and he, too, felt this kind of angst, and though he dealt with it in a different way, you will never convince me that the angst we felt was not of the same species.
6. And when I hear "Come As You Are" I think of walking down Broadway and getting Pizza at Pagliacci's, and a car passes by, and Nirvana streams out the window. We are young and so, so sad. It's sunny in Seattle and we don't seem to notice. Do you remember how it feels when you just want a person to hold your hand and you think that the world would break apart?
7. That's the place a song can transport you to. The space between your breasts, beneath your rib cage, at the end of the bar, in front of a pint of beer, at the corner in a cloud of smoke, in the distance of a drunken sprint to the end of the block.
8. Oh, Kurt Cobain. Oh, nameless lost love. Oh, sad singer-songwriter.
9. There are so many Washington, rain, music related near misses that I cannot relate them all to you here. Nor would I want to.
10. Suffice it say: a song can transport me there. There. Yes, here.

Should I Feel Guilty for Liking "The Help"?

I finally saw "The Help." It was on a day when I was not feeling well and I needed a little entertainment. I read the book (and blogged about it). And I wanted to see the movie, because, you know, Emma Stone. But then the movie came out. And then the firestorm. You know, white woman, black women, inaccuracies about Civil Rights. I don't want to belittle those concerns. Those are legitimate concerns. I want to talk about those things. I do. And I have.
But here's the thing: I liked the movie. I enjoyed it. It was hard to watch. I thought Octavia Spencer and Viola Davis were both amazing. And Emma Stone was good. And it made me cry.
After I returned the movie, I sat on the couch and wondered if I was a bad person for liking this movie. Am I ignorant? Unfeeling? Stupid?
My guilt over enjoying this movie made me think about when I saw "The Last Temptation of Christ." I was a student at the University of Oregon in 1988 (good lord, I am old!) and when I went to see it, at a little theater, there were a bunch of well-meaning Christians and their children with signs about how the movie was bad and I shouldn't see it. I remember thinking, "Rambo III is playing across town. Wouldn't it be more appropriate to protest that?"
I have somewhat the same response to objections to "The Help." On the one hand, I understand the objections. Yes, it is inaccurate in some aspects. Yes, it's not right that a book by a white women about black women gets more attention then the numerous books by black women about black women.  I get that.
But, if the book and the movie, get us (as a culture) talking about race, and how messed up we still are about race in 2012, isn't that a good thing?
I mean, many, many, many movies come out and they are good, but they don't cause us to think about who we are as Americans.
So, I guess my question is, how is that a bad thing?
And also, I just want to like it. Okay?