Monday, November 12, 2007

Things to Think While Swimming

I'm back on my swimming jag, which is good as, besides running for the bus (and walking home when I miss it. Damn!), it's the only exercise I get! Here's what I think:
  1. Hips, hips, underwater, underwater. See, it seems that one should roll one's hips while swimming. Also, one should focus on the hand that's underwater. I seem to forget that, especially when I'm breathing.
  2. "You must have fallen from a star, you must have hmm de hmm de hmm de haw." Lyrics to songs you know are good to sing to oneself while swimming. Did you notice what I said there? Songs you know. But I like to sing songs I don't know, like the one above from "Once." So I just sing that same line, with the hmming, over and over. Luckily I'm not breathing, so all the singing is in my head, so no one notices that I don't know the words.
  3. "I wonder if those lifeguards think I'm like the world's worst swimmer." I wonder a lot what the incredibly bored looking lifeguards are thinking as I swim and flip and swim and flip. I actually don't think they are thinking anything, they look that bored, but if they are thinking something I also sometimes imagine they are thinking, "Wow, she's hot. She's a fantastic swimmer. How did she get so hot and fantastic?"
  4. "I wonder if the lifeguards notice that I sometimes take an extra breath before I flip and think I'm lame." I have to take an extra breath sometimes because I don't want to drown while trying to flip turn. Also, I'm afraid. Also, I almost drowned before. But that was a long time ago.
  5. "I wonder if the lifeguards would save me if I hit my head while trying to turn because I misjudged the distance between me and that wall." This is why I sometimes flip too soon and end up having to just swim with no cool push off to propel me forward.
  6. "I wonder which lifeguard would give me mouth-to-mouth if I did almost drown. I hope not the one with the mustache, because mustaches give me the creeps."
  7. "Was that 100 yards or 150? How far have I swum? Am I a good swimmer?"
That's all for now. Middlebrow is demanding his computer back for something called work. Have you heard of this thing?


Lisa B. said...

Hilarious. Back when I used to swim every day, my main thing to think was counting laps. And then calculating the percentage of my daily quota that I had completed, as well as that left to finish. There was this one pool where I swam where they were doing water aerobics, and I always liked it when they played "Billie Jean." You'd hear a watery phrase, then a little bit of unwatery MJ, then watery, then unwatery. That song still smells like chlorine to me.

Nik said...

Oh my god. You are almost as concerned about the lifeguards' thoughts as I. However, to continue with my I'm so lame jag, I don't even flip. I touch and turn. Because I don't like water up my nose and I hit my head on the side a lot. I bet you're hot and fantastic whilst swimming.

ErinAlice said...

Wow you are really churning out the lists. I don't swim laps for many of the reasons you mentioned. I think I will stick to the elliptical machine. No troublesome lifeguards to be concerned about and I won't ever need to be rescued. I hope. And who knew so much thinking went on whilst swimming?