Thursday, November 01, 2007

What is the best candy?

This is a difficult question. I pondered it as I helped Son sort his candy on his bed last night. He went for the sugar candy: skittles, nerds, suckers.
Me, I prefer the chocolate. A ranking then:
  1. Dark chocolate: this can include many derivations, including Mounds and Special Dark. Not a lot of dark chocolate in the Halloween haul.
  2. Junior Mints: again, scarce. And I don't eat them very often, which adds to the allure.
  3. Almond Joys: good, even if they are milk chocolate. I'm joining Al Franken's campaign to get them to make Almond Joys with dark chocolate. What, are they stupid?
  4. Sweetarts: I only get them once a year!! What happened to the big ones that made you pucker like crazy and lasted all afternoon? Oh, Sweetart, where have you gone?
  5. Reese's Peanut Butter cups: these are ubiquitous. And therefore less in demand. Good, but could be better with more chocolate and less peanut butter. Which is why the tiny ones are best.
  6. M-n-Ms: if they gave out almond ones, they could move up the list. But alas, we are stuck with peanut and plain.
  7. Snickers: good, but the caramel hurts my teeth.
  8. Butterfinger: good, but with an odd texture.
  9. Other candy bars: whatever. I could take them or leave them: crunch, baby ruth, 100 grand, this new Take 5 thing, smores, and all those odd, new candies.
  10. Sugar candy: these are candies that lack any flavor beyond sugar: suckers, skittles, nerds, dots, etc, etc, etc.
  11. Candy corn: the lowest circle of hell is reserved for these headache inducing nightmares. They are sugar with some sugar and then some high fructose corn syrup. They are terrible and represent everything that is wrong with candy.
Did I miss anything?


Lisa B. said...

Your taxonomy is exactly why we gave out skittles and starburst--two candies I do not eat and cannot stand. No chance I will eat the leftovers. But I agree with you totally about candy corn which, inexplicably, my mother and sister love.

lis said...

All candy is good. All of it. Even the smarties, which I wouldn't buy for myself, but if they are available, I will eat them, and love them. Sugar is good--in all of its many and wonderful varieties.

Jones Soda makes candy corn for Halloween and it is disgusting. It tastes like a pancake breakfast with a bit of orange zest. Good in general, but not in liquid form. But it is better than their Thanksgiving brussels sprouts soda. Much better than that.

Go Sugar!

Condiment said...

I love candy corn. Don't ask me why. Especially those candy corn pumpkins. I've eaten more this year than in my entire life combined I think. Disgusting and good, just like life.

ErinAlice said...

I agree that dark chocolate should be at the top. Historically, children do not care for it which is why it is almost nonexistent in the Halloween booty. I think that any candy that has almonds and dark chocolate has to be the best every. Dark chocolate Almond Joys are a great idea. My children gave me the Almond Joys immediately after getting them as if they would taint their other Halloween candy. Junior Mints are a big hit in my house. We love them in the freezer.I would agree with the rest of your list but I must say that I remember us eating lots of candy corn when we were young-especially the pumpkins. My daughters love them and so I buy one bag. They stay around for ever. Hope there was plenty of candy for everyone to find his/her favorite. We have enough candy that if you laid the candy end to end it would go to the moon. Seriously. Happy Halloween!

middlebrow said...

Hot Tamales are my favorite candy. Weird, I know. Where are they in your hierarchy oh Dr. Write. And where am I?

Lisa B. said...

By the way, I feel 99% sure that they did make almond joys with dark chocolate . . . at some time. perhaps worth searching out? one of our colleagues (a.f.) is an expert at searching out hard-to-find candy.

Bart Bradshaw said...

Give me Jr. Mints and Almond Joys or give me death. Throw in those others, too, while you're at it.